No
space for idle chit-chat, dating tips, or selective rose-shaded parables from the past. I love
playoff columns!
Dallas-Carolina: Oh Boy! A fervent pet peeve I’ve somehow never publicly
bitched about, the most over-rated, over-talked subject in professional sports:
The vaunted “home-field advantage.” Flashback: The place? Soldier Field.
The event? The ’88 NFC title game. Bear opponent? San Francisco. The weather?
“Bear Weather.” The coldest day of the year in the icebox of the Midwest. I
know. I was there. Final score? The most lopsided 28-3 49er victory
imaginable.
In the regular season, the home team wins something like 60% of the time. An
advantage, yes, but not overwhelming. In the playoffs, the home-field advantage
goes higher. So, whose case am I making? There’s an excellent reason home teams
win so often in the playoffs. It has nothing to do with familiar sod or
sleeping in comfortable beds or the wife’s meatballs. They’re playing at home
for a simple reason. They’re almost always the better team! That’s why they’re
playing the game at home. Duh! Why this very elementary, obvious fact is always
overlooked goes past me.
But not always the better team. The Bears, with every so-called
home-field advantage under the snow, were not close to the better team. Dallas
didn’t beat the Packers seven straight because they played in Dallas. The
Panthers are at home. They’re not the best team. Bing-Bang-Boom. The Coach is
(if you didn’t know) a rocket scientist.
Which brings me to the Carolina Panthers. Don’t know how many times I’ve read
about how “invincible” Carolina (8-0) is at home. About as many times as I’ve
read the sappy story of the amazing second-year Panthers. As Roger Daltry sang
in “Magic Bus,” “No. Too much!” I don’t want to hear it anymore. Okay, the
defense is, on paper, impressive. Only 13 second-half points allowed at home
all year, la-de-da. And there are the two victories over Frisco. Okay, that’s
good. Unmentioned, inflated defensive stats compiled against many of the
league’s least proficient offenses. Atlanta, St. Louis, New Orleans, New York,
Tampa Bay, Houston, Baltimore and, yes, Pittsburgh.
Do you think Dallas will be intimidated by the Carolina Panthers? Carolina’s
only chance is to hope the Cowboy offense reverts to its regular season form (I
do). To pray the defense is as good as advertised (I pray). To create points
off of turnovers (Go Lamar. My man!). More likely scenario: the young,
inexperienced Panther offense will hand Dallas cheap touchdowns and another
Dallas win. Playoff wins on the road are no big deal. It happens all the
time.
Jacksonville-Denver: I was in Colorado this summer while the Broncos were in
training camp. Nobody anywhere thought Denver would be any better than a
.500 team, if that. Yet, here they are. A 13-3 record is the best in the AFC,
assuring home-field advantage (in the one stadium where, due to Denver’s
altitude, there really is one) for as long as they stay alive. John Elway,
recently bitten by a vampire, leads the AFC in passing. They can run. Shit,
they even have a few guys who can tackle. The Jacksonville Jaguars win the
look-what-I-found-in-my-glove trophy for ’96. A few weeks ago, they were 4-7.
Then, spookishly lucky things started happening, mostly involving field goals
hitting uprights. A Jag win in Mile High would be an upset of Gulliverian —
that’s too mild, but it’s the best I can do — proportions.
Pittsburgh-New England: A snapshot of the Nineties. For two years, everyone
said Bill Parcells was washed up, finished, a horse-and-buggy guy in the jet
age. Now, his team is playing like they were supposed to and Parcells is
a genius. The second coming of Knute Rockne. Vince Lombardi reincarnated. Jesus
— no, The Good Lord himself! — strides the sidelines in Foxboro. You gotta
love it. Looks to be the best match-up of the week. Though neither team exactly
steamrolled into the playoffs, I like New England. They match up well against
the Steelers. They play good run defense. Running is all Pittsburgh can do.
They have a terrible pass defense, but no problem, the Steelers, no slight to
Mike Tomczak intended, can’t pass worth a shit. Bledsoe can be brilliant or
horrible. Cordell Stewart should play quarterback simply because Tomczak can’t
take the Steelers much further and maybe Stewart can. Think Bill Cowher reads
my column?
Green Bay-San Francisco: And then there’s Lambeau Field, the ultimate
home-field advantage. Did you ever wonder about that? Do you think Brett Farve,
a coon-ass from Louisiana, likes blowing snow and minus-10-degree wind chills
any more than Steve Young? Don’t Reggie White’s toes get cold? Do you think
they even practice outside if the weather’s bad? Well, anyway, I know Farve is
supposed to be God, but I’ll be damned if I’ve ever seen him have a good game.
Too many Dallas memories I guess. Likewise, I can’t believe Steve Young is the
league’s top-rated passer. Seems like every time I watch, he’s being carried
off the field. Yet Farve is a god and Young is the best passer,
so selective television-watching lies. The cold won’t beat the 49ers but the
Packers will.
Hope for a nasty, cold weekend with no temptations to play golf, walk with the
wife, or mow the lawn. Playoff weather.
This article appears in January 3 • 1997 and January 3 • 1997 (Cover).