When word came down this week that Andrew Lloyd Webber (yes, that ALW) had acquired the rights to produce School of Rock as a musical, I had decidedly mixed feelings.
On the one hand, the former high school theatre nerd in me gets a little bright-eyed at the mention of any ALW project. But firmly on the other: Jack Black on Broadway?!
But School of Rock at least started its life in a musically inclined format. Hands on a Hardbody, on the other hand… Having 24 people standing around with one hand on a small pickup truck is tricky enough without singing and dancing and pizzazz in the way, no?
So it got me thinking: What Texas films are some of the other least likely candidates for a musical adaptation? Here are my top five. Sound off in the comments with suggestions of your own.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
Either version – Tobe Hooper’s 1974 or Marcus Nispel’s 2003 remake – would surely be an atonal mess when put in song. That said, the props department could certainly have a blast.
Grindhouse
With the exception of maybe Spy Kids, nothing from either Robert Rodriguez or Quentin Tarantino seems like it’d work with a chipper chorus line. Nevermind trying to keep Rose McGowan from blowing a hole in the stage with her machine-gun leg.
Friday Night Lights
It certainly has the feel-good thing going for it, and I know they say sometimes football players take ballet to keep up their flexibility, but singing in a helmet just seems like a bad idea.
Office Space
That’s not what they meant by 37 pieces of flair.
No Country for Old Men
Joel and Ethan Coen’s 2007 thriller is a lot of things, but “adaptable into a musical” is not one of them; No Country for Old Men is no film fit for singing. (And can you imagine doing Javier Bardem’s hair every night?)
This article appears in April 5 • 2013.