Indie Pizzas

Hoeks Pizza

The ambience of Hoeks Pizza is testosterone incarnate: fevered death metal assaults the sensibilities at deafening volume, the walls throb blood-red and black, and the pizza boxes are emblazoned with a cartoon, lingerie-clad, porn-o-licious blonde. Although I am sure it can’t always be the case, the two televisions were blaring the most brutal scenes from Fight Club the night I went in.

My brother would love this place.

Hoeks (the name comes from the last name of Ren, the psychotic Chihuahua of Ren & Stimpy fame) was originally open from 1993 to 2006 and always had a following in the entertainment district. This August it reopened in the old Torchy’s location on Sixth. Though the small interior is decidedly funky, the guy who makes and sells the pizza (possibly owner Jayson Adams, but it was too loud to inquire) was friendly and gracious and, best of all, competent. He had my pie baked, sliced, and boxed in less than 10 minutes, and the pizza is very good. The crust is well-made, yeasty, crisp on the bottom, but stretchy and chewy at the rim. The tart tomato sauce has prominent oregano, garlic, and red-pepper flavors and is applied judiciously. The cheese topping is thick, salty, and greasy (“but I don’t mean that in a bad way!” as comedian Dom Irrera says), and I imagine that if I were drunk and starving, it would taste like manna from heaven, because stone-cold sober this pizza tastes pretty good, too. The basic toppings are available (pepperoni, sausage, jalapeños, etc.) but nothing fancy.

Twenty-four dollars a pie sounds a little expensive, but it’s a huge 20-inch pie, which comes out to just 7.6 cents per square inch. The pizza is sold primarily by the slice, in any case; the slices are generous and, at $3 a pop, are a perfectly good deal.

This article appears in November 14 • 2008.