Up Too Early

Google Streetview fashion critique from Nueces Street

Did somebody lose his fez?
Did somebody lose his fez?

Put a fez on this guy and he could work any small town parade in America as long as he can do a respectable figure eight on that minibike. However, without a fez this guy is Lord of all Hipsters. His friends are all artists. He knows cooler bands than you do – way cooler. He doesn’t funnel beer, he enjoys craft brews.

He knows too much about at least one of the following: Dinosaurs, vintage comic books, 18th Century German literature. He does not know how to throw a football. That’s OK however, because he can probably score you some pretty decent cheap hash as long as you’re willing to smoke it through a hookah and then watch old videotapes of Battlestar Galactica episodes.

As carefree as he may seem, this is a studied look. Those pants didn’t just fall off the rack at Wal-Mart. Those sleeves aren’t rolled up for utility - although that tie is tucked into his shirt so it doesn’t flop around like a Doberman’s tongue when it has its head out the window. Those shoes could have only come from two places: 1. A discount shoe store in Bucharest or 2. A spaceship from Alpha Centauri. Either way they’re a huge score and tremendously dorky. You could have an hour-long cocktail conversation about those shoes, and all of it would be fascinating.

Bottom line: It takes some serious game not to look ridiculous on a minibike, and this guy is pulling it off. Not even Douglas McArthur or John Wayne or Billyjack could manage that…but oddly, Barack Obama probably could. Maybe this guy is heralding a new world order in which skinny dudes with facial hair and alien shoes rule the planet. Better tell ma to go load the scattergun, things could get ugly.

LuvDoc Fashion Index: 8.0 (shoes are just slightly less weird than Vibram 5 fingers)

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

READ MORE
More by The Luv Doc
Luv Doc: Not Mellow at All
Luv Doc: Not Mellow at All
There is an unwritten social contract to indoor plumbing

April 19, 2019

The Luv Doc: Doing the Legwork for Love
The Luv Doc: Doing the Legwork for Love
The mighty oak begins with a tiny acorn

April 12, 2019

KEYWORDS FOR THIS POST

Shriners, Billyjack, Dinosaurs, Alpha Centaurri, Doberman, Douglas McArthur,John Wayne, Scattergun

MORE IN THE ARCHIVES
NEWSLETTERS
One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

Updates for SXSW 2019

All questions answered (satisfaction not guaranteed)

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle