Luv Doc,
I met a nice fellow a few months ago at a fundraiser Downtown. We are both divorced and in our mid-40s and we found that we had so much in common – same suburban Texas childhoods, same taste in music, films, and even food (hooray for Sway!). Since that night, we have been texting each other daily, we have even made plans to go out on several occasions, but each time he has had to cancel. Two of the times he canceled were because he had to be with his children due to some mix-up in scheduling with his ex. I know how that is because I have shared custody myself. One time he ended up going to an ACL show with a friend who had last-minute tickets, and the other occasions – three as of now – he has had work conflicts. He is an attorney and often has to work late, and on all of these occasions he ended up having last-minute research or some other issue that prevented him seeing me. After the last time he canceled, I decided he might be stringing me along, so I backed off on the texting. His response was to text me even more and again trying to make plans to go out. At this point I don’t know what to think, other than maybe we have really bad luck when it comes to scheduling. He is a fun, interesting guy I would like to get to know better, and I know he has a busy life, but maybe he’s just too busy for me? What would you do? Should I make more plans that might get canceled?
– Tired of the Cancel Culture
Hmmmm. Imagine me stroking my chin and looking thoughtfully up to the right. Why the right, you ask? The right is generally wrong, right? True, but when it comes to brain hemispheres, the right is the touchy-feely, creative side. You know … the butterflies, moonbeams, and fairy tales side of the brain; the one that cries at the end of Toy Story 3. I’m sure there were probably some people who walked out of that theatre with dry eyes and dead hearts. Who knows? Maybe their mothers took “asset … uh… men o’ fin” when they were pregnant, but the right-brainers all needed a minute to collect themselves … and maybe touch up their mascara. I confess that I’m a poet at heart – did you see the way I just spelled “Acetaminophen”? Nonetheless, I do feel I have certain analytical skills that can be brought to bear on your scheduling conundrum. To wit:
Six fucking times?!?!? Unless I am exceptionally bad at word problems (and believe me, my fourth-grade teacher Mrs. Greenshields would probably eagerly prosecute that assertion were she still living), this fellow, delightful as he may be, is really pushing it. Please allow me to deconstruct this equation: Number of times this fellow has found a reason not to be with you: 6; Number of times this fellow has found a reason to be with you: 0. To put it in sporting parlance, you’re 6-0. Objectively this is either the greatest beginning to a love story in the history of mankind or – and I hesitate to wax negative without knowing all the details – this fellow is either up to something shady or psychotically unable to commit.
Lawyering is important work and whatnot, but no one is going to die if he ditches a mediation hearing to go get a romantic plate of crispy chicken with you. In the legal world, that’s called “dropping the ball” and it happens all the time. How do you think Billy Joe Shaver got acquitted? Some gastronome attorney probably missed voir dire going all in on some panang short rib curry. I’ll admit I am only marginally familiar with legal work – thankfully – but I can’t imagine a good excuse for your fellow being 0-3 at discreetly scooting out of the office or off the docket, as it were.
As any recently fired college football coach will tell you, starting off 0-6 is inexcusable, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. I like to think I am the kind of guy who is generous enough to give seventh chances, but history has proven that I am not. That’s on me. Clearly I lack the patience and optimism to soldier through. There might have been a few fourth chances – I don’t remember really – but I have never gotten to six. So, as far as I’m concerned, you’re in uncharted territory, and that’s always scary. You’re going to have to trust your gut. If you feel like this guy is worth a seventh chance, let him have it, but make sure he knows that if he blows No. 7, there won’t be an 8. The law doesn’t allow double jeopardy, so you shouldn’t allow octuple jeopardy.
Editor’s note: This article was updated Thursday, Oct. 9, to add a paragraph that had been inadvertently deleted from the Luv Doc’s answer. We apologize for the error.
This article appears in October 10 • 2025.