Dear Luv Doc,
After a lot of arguing and drama this fall, me and my girlfriend decided after Thanksgiving to take a break from our relationship until the new year to chill and get our heads straight. The reason we were arguing is that she thought I was being too controlling because I would get upset when she went out with her friends. She would go out late and wouldn’t answer my texts and then when she finally did get home I would be mad. Instead of saying she was sorry she would say something mean or disrespectful and we would argue. After Thanksgiving we had a big argument because she went to Dallas and didn’t come home until two days after she was supposed to, and that’s when we decided to take a break for a while. A couple of weeks later, she called to say that she was seeing a therapist and said that she thought it would be a good idea if I did too because of how controlling I am. I said I would think about it, and then last week she calls and says that her therapist says we shouldn’t get back together until I talk to someone about my anger issues. First of all, I am not sure my insurance covers therapy, but even if it does I don’t need some therapist telling me my girlfriend should be out at all hours on a weeknight. Maybe I should just let her break up with me because it seems like therapy has only made her worse. I love her, but I don’t think I should stay with her if every time we have an argument her therapist is going to say it’s my fault. How do I know her therapist isn’t crazy? It sure seems like it to me. What do you think? – Solo in ’25
First of all, congratulations! You have insurance! Though, to be fair, that’s nothing to brag about given the recent stories about Insurance companies using AI to deny claims. It’s enough to make an East Coast valedictorian fit boy print up a 3D gun and go whack an insurance company exec in downtown Manhattan. Rich folk should be more than a little disturbed that a murderer received the social media equivalent of a ticker tape parade. Clearly the commoners are pissed. What next? Is Flo from Progressive going to get on the bandwagon and come for Elon? What about the Geico Gecko? He seems suspiciously un-American though, so maybe he doesn’t have skin in the game. Ditto for the LiMu Emu, but that Doug dude looks working-class American AF with that yellow polyester shirt, those convenience store aviators and that broke-ass Plymouth Duster. He probably carries a .38 with a duct-taped grip and knows where Hoffa was buried. I can totally see him and that Mayhem dude from Allstate holding Jake from State Farm at gunpoint and making him beat the shit out of a bunch of billionaire oligarchs using the AFLAC duck as a makeshift bludgeon. Am I going to cook up that scene in Midjourney? Probably.
Who knew that all this time … all these millennia, women were having their own thoughts as well?
So this deal with your girlfriend exercising autonomy as a separate human being must be absolutely maddening. What the fuck is up with that? I bet the patriarchy totally glossed over that section of the female ownership manual, leaving countless millions of confused fellows scratching their heads thinking, “Why won’t she do what I say?” Honestly, a class action suit is probably in order. We’ve been led astray … bamboozled … hoodwinked! All this time we were led to believe that, with a few exceptions like Desi Arnaz Jr. or maybe Elliot Birch from Big Mouth, real men knew how to control their women; that, in the end, no matter how overly emotional or “crazy” a woman might get, the slightly annoyed, if not outright hostile, response of a real man would bring them to their senses. Who knew that all this time … all these millennia, women were having their own thoughts as well? We just didn’t know it because their voices were throttled by an undercurrent of male violence and aggression. And I know you’re probably saying, “But that’s not me! I’m not that way! I would never hurt a woman!” Maybe not. Or maybe you just wouldn’t listen to a woman who suggests you might benefit from therapy, which, in my experience, can be beneficial, whether in the context of a relationship or completely outside of it. Insurance coverage aside, I’d say it’s a relatively small ask – especially if it’s coming from someone with whom you’re considering spending the rest of your life. If not, well, just go ahead and wing it. You’ll probably lose your girlfriend but you’ll undoubtedly save some money and spare yourself the inevitable discomfort of self-knowledge.
This article appears in January 3 • 2025.
