The Luv Doc: Season of Sadness

Dear Luv Doc,

My boyfriend and I have been together since college (three years). When I met him, I was crazy about him. He was attractive, funny, he had ambitions, our values aligned. Over the last few years, I have come to realize that the compatibility I thought I saw in him was something that I had made up in my own mind. Here’s an example: He talks all the time about getting a better job and trying to make more money, but he never does anything to make it happen. He has never even asked for a promotion. I thought we shared the same liberal values, but after spending time with him and some of his Trumpy co-workers, I’m not so sure anymore. In addition, there is almost no romance in our relationship. We have sex maybe once a month. It’s not that I don’t try, but he is never in the mood. At this point, there is really no spark in our relationship. I don’t get excited to see him anymore, and he doesn’t seem very excited to see me either. It’s like we are just going through the motions. I know the holidays are coming up, but I think the time has come to move on, but I do still have feelings for him, so I don’t want him to get hurt, but I also don’t want to spend weeks or months pretending we can revive something that’s already dead. How can I break up cleanly without hurting him?

– Season of Sadness

What a way to kick off the holidays! “Hey hun, I’ve been thinking that you and I should go apartment shopping … separately. I know you’re sad but think of how much you’ll save on Christmas gifts!” Seriously though, I don’t want to make you feel worse than you already do – certainly not during the Holidays! In fact, good on you for recognizing it’s time for a change, regardless of how deep we are into the calendar year. I get your reluctance. Sure, 2025 had its bright spots, but I think everyone not directly benefiting from the president’s crime spree can universally agree that it’s been an absolute dumpster fire of a year. In less than 11 months we’ve gone from debating whether Sleepy Joe was compos mentis to whether or not firing additional missiles at missile strike survivors constitutes a “war crime.” Just for the record, if anyone is still unclear on the morality bit: No, it’s not a war crime. America is not at war. It’s a fucking crime crime – as in first-degree murder. Actually, given the fact that the Trump administration has carried out at least a dozen of these strikes resulting in the deaths of 87 people, I think we can safely call them serial murders. And here we were all worried that President Piggy was a pedo.

America just straight-up murdered 87 people. There’s no gray area here. There’s no “yeah, but”s. It’s just murder – sanctioned and planned by the highest level of our government. What next? Ideally impeachment proceedings and jail time. Otherwise we’re just a presidential temper tantrum away from real journalists getting diced up and hauled away in trash bags. Put down your hand, Tom Homan. The parade of butt-sucking sycophants that make up the majority of the Pentagon press pool is already a clear indication the Trump administration is up to some nefarious shit they don’t want Americans to know about, but here’s the deal: We do know they are fucking murderers. We have it on film. What more do we need to see? Seriously. Are there Republicans out there thinking, “Well, let’s just wait until we can get some high-def video of Trump molesting a child. That would do it! That would give me the courage to change my mind!” Y’all. Come the fuck on. Santa doesn’t have enough coal to reward this level of spinelessness.

So I get your procrastination, Season of Sadness. Breaking up with someone anytime in 2025 seems like piling on, but we’re running out of year, which brings us back to your question: How can you break it off cleanly without hurting him? You can’t. People with strong feelings feel strongly. It’s going to hurt. He might even hate you, but if you’re completely honest and vulnerable yourself, and if you own your part in this parting, he probably won’t hate you forever – just during the holidays. Again, I applaud your willingness to recognize things aren’t going well and taking appropriate action. Hopefully America will follow your lead.

This article appears in December 19 • 2025.