The Luv Doc: Not Hearing What She Said

Dear Luv Doc,

My girlfriend was giving me a ride back from the gym on Wednesday because my car was in the shop. We were stopped at a long light, so I was looking at Instagram on my phone. She said something I didn’t hear so I told her I didn’t hear her and I asked her if she could repeat what she said. She said, “No thanks.” I asked her if she was angry at me for not hearing what she said and she just stayed silent until we got to my apartment. When I got out I asked her again if she was angry at me and she said, “Have a good night.” I said I thought she was being childish and making it into a bigger deal than it was. She hasn’t responded to any of my texts or DMs, I think she has blocked me on Instagram. I get that she was probably annoyed that I didn’t hear her, but her response was way out of proportion to the situation. It wasn’t like I kept on ignoring her, I just missed the one thing that she said. Should I even try to get back with her? We have only been dating a few months.

– Ghosted

I used to work with a guy at a retail establishment in North Austin who liked to amuse himself by loudly and theatrically responding to low talkers and mumblers with, “Come again? I’m sorry, I’m feeling a little jizzy.” He was quick enough with his retort that most people never caught on that they were being pranked by a furniture salesman. On days he was feeling particularly spicy he would work in a “(See You Next Tuesday) hear you.” If we were in Ireland, I would have typed that profanity out in order to avoid confusion, but here in America we never use the C word – not even when referring to Pam Bondi. I would love to say this gives Americans the moral high ground, but just because we’re not saying it doesn’t mean we’re not thinking it. At least the Irish aren’t devious about it. Either way I’m betting Jesus isn’t giving anyone a pass – least of all Pam Bondi. He’s probably working out some package deal with Satan for Trump and all his simpering sycophants. 

So maybe your girlfriend is a low talker or a mumbler. Maybe if you had said, “Come again?” instead of asking her to repeat herself, you might have both laughed it off, but I doubt it. My guess is that wasn’t the first time you were buried in your ’grams instead of being present. Don’t get me wrong, if I was doing someone a favor by giving them a ride home from the gym because their car was in the shop and they spent the whole ride scrolling through Instagram on their phone, I would be highly fucking annoyed. I would be actively thinking of ways not to do them a favor in the future. I’m kind of a C word like that. I’m guessing your girlfriend is much sweeter than me. She probably even gave you a pass on the first 10 times you were alone with her and chose to spend that time looking at your phone. I don’t know about you, but I can sort of see how someone might build up some anger and resentment about that kind of behavior.

And look, I know a licensed therapist would probably say your girlfriend should have voiced her concerns immediately and in the moment rather than letting them fester until she acted out in anger. That’s probably true, but there’s another side to that coin. It’s this: She shouldn’t fucking have to. It’s absolutely exhausting to constantly have to life-coach someone up to a baseline everyone else seems to have no problem exceeding. So you see, what you perceived as an innocent little moment of inattentiveness might have been emblematic of a gargantuan problem that she’s been ignoring and you should have been aware of in the first place. It’s like Republicans saying, “It was just one silly little post on Truth Social showing the Obamas as apes.” And the entire rest of the world saying “ARE YOU FUCKING BRAIN DEAD?” Yeah, like that. Maybe leave your ex-girlfriend alone and work on being a better, more attentive, more grateful passenger.

This article appears in February 20 • 2026.