The Luv Doc: Many Have Tried, Few Have Succeeded

Dear Luv Doc,

I have been living with my girlfriend in Northwest Austin for nearly three years. We both work in the tech sector and earn good incomes, have nice cars and a nice, large apartment. Life is good, but every year around the holidays, she gets a little bit depressed because her birthday is also in December. I am used to her making big announcements … well, sort of big announcements …  at this time of year. Last year she started doing yoga at our gym. The year before that she announced that she was going to start taking oil painting classes. Those lasted about six months and now we have a lot of art in the apartment. All good. Whatever makes her happy, right? This year she announced that at the end of January she is going to quit her programming job and become a DJ – not like a wedding DJ, but like a Deadmau5/Paul Oakenfold type DJ. Full disclosure: She has always played around with being a DJ and has a full setup in our spare bedroom – which is also where most of her oil paintings are, but she has never said this is some sort of life ambition until now. She has been saving up to do this for the past two years but didn’t tell me about it until now because she didn’t want to feel pressured if she changed her mind. What am I supposed to do with this? Support her? This seems totally unrealistic and doomed to failure. I am afraid she will be wasting her time and money and basically throwing away a good job as well. What do I do here?

– The DJ’s Dude

Honestly, your girlfriend sounds pretty awesome – even considering her yearly dalliance with seasonal depression. I think everyone can agree that the holidays are an emotional and often inspirational time – especially during that bit of doldrums that occurs between the materialist orgy of Christmas and the hedonistic excesses of New Year’s Eve. And look, I know there were probably a bunch of ex and current Mormons who were absolutely ecstatic about BYU’s appearance in the Pop-Tarts Bowl (Seriously, what are we even doing here, Orlando?), but pretty much every other American was staring catatonically through their windshield at the apocalyptic hellscape of a T.J. Maxx parking lot trying to decide if the insane rugby scrum at the returns counter is worth a credit receipt for a $10 orange acrylic V-neck sweater that is two sizes too small. What I’m getting at here is that the holiday taint space is ripe for existential reflection, so it’s no surprise that your girlfriend had a revelation. 

As my friend Tony says Brené Brown says, “Clarity is kindness,” and what a mitzvah it was of your girlfriend to tell you her plans for the future. You certainly wouldn’t have wanted her sneaking out at night and secretly pursuing her DJ ambitions while you were innocently asleep in your nice, large, tech sector apartment, would you? Of course not. You will probably want to know which chic new overcapitalized, pretentiously decorated, ego-project cocktail lounge she’s spinning in, right? And what wee hour of the morning she will be getting home? You might even decide you want to go with her to help her load in equipment and give any randy lotharios the stink eye. Let me offer a word of caution here, because when you’re in a cocktail lounge at 2 in the morning, pretty much any dude who isn’t actively engaged in bartending is mad sus, borderline predatory, and you will run yourself ragged trying to spurn their advances, real or imagined. Also – and I think I can say this with a clarity that is absolutely saturated with kindness – a heavy schedule of late-night clubbing doesn’t really dovetail with a demanding day gig. Many have tried, few have succeeded.

So, it sounds like your girlfriend isn’t being grossly unrealistic. In fact, it sounds like she has made a solid plan to shoot her shot while she’s still able. It’s not like she’s asking you to support her dreams financially … at least not yet. She needs you to support her dreams emotionally, which, last I checked, is a great way to ensure bonding and intimacy in a relationship. So, if you want to deepen this relationship, I highly recommend you learn how to dance to EDM.

This article appears in January 2 • 2026.