The Luv Doc: Getting Some Familiar

Dear Luv Doc,

My ex and I broke up a while ago. Our relationship was mostly good and ended on friendly terms. (This very column was a topic of conversation on our third date, so you know we both have excellent taste in advice – it turns out that’s just not enough compatibility to make a relationship work.) We recently ran into each other again, and even though we won’t get back together, I still really like this girl! She proposed that we should hook up occasionally. I think we’re both on the same page about why we shouldn’t date, and, well, I’m definitely into this idea. Is this an inevitable disaster for our friendship and feelings, or can two friendly Luv Doc fans keep hooking up? 

– FriendlySexwEx?

I refuse to believe that two people being Luv Doc fans is not enough compatibility to make a relationship work. The list of Luv Doc fans probably tops out at 4 or 5, and my guess is that at least two of those are serving long sentences in correctional institutions. Are they blood relatives? That’s not for me to say, but from a purely statistical perspective, if you manage to find another person who is into the Luv Doc and is also willing to smash, I think you gotta call that a soulmate. There may be another term – sociopath certainly comes to mind, but you get the idea: Mark Antony and Cleopatra, Frida and Diego, Sid and Nancy, Megan and Machine Gun. Pretty much all of those relationships went the distance, even if the distance was a 40-yard dash. The jury’s still out on MGK and Megan, but it’s hard to imagine them not being Luv Doc fans if given the chance.

Now, if you’re asking me to entertain the outrageous statistical improbability that you and your ex aren’t soulmates, sure, I’ll bite. I am not one of those intractable assholes who is unable to suspend his disbelief. If you and your ex really are just friends, I say go for it. You’re clearly both well studied on the anatomical terrain, and apparently the idea of occasionally getting some of that familiar isn’t unattractive to either of you. Is there a but? Of course there’s a but – maybe even two. The biggest but I can think of is that, while hooking up with your friendly ex seems doable in concept, in practice it’s a whole ’nother deal. Sure, there are a lot of knowns, and those don’t seem to involve the crazy amount of risk it takes to get out there on Grindr, Tinder, Bumble, or, let’s keep it 100: Silversingles, and find another Luv Doc fan willing to do the type of depraved shit I can’t even talk about in this column, but in reality, getting some of that sweet same same comes with its own risks.

Number one: You and your friend ex share a conceptual level of intimacy. For instance, you both know each other’s dirty little secrets – like the Luv Doc fetish. There’s no real risk there, but if you have an ongoing – even though occasional – deeply intimate relationship, there’s going to be an inevitable tendency to want to protect that intimacy. Like, if you’re smashing – even occasionally – and your ex decides to start smashing someone else, or vice versa, you’re probably going to feel a little hurt that your smashing was unsatisfactory – even though, from the get-go, the whole hookup thing was supposed to be super chill. Now, I admit, I might be bringing my own insecurities to the table, but I don’t think they’re at all uncommon and are therefore worth mentioning. 

That’s just one example, but there are plenty of others. Whenever you and another person share something special that other people don’t share, there is a danger that the loss of that specialness will engender feelings of hurt and betrayal. And look, I am not saying that it’s always and forever going to be that way. I’m just saying that, historically at least, that’s how it usually turns out. The good news is that you know you way better than I know you, so you’re much better equipped to make this call. Never let it be said the Luv Doc was against two consenting Luv Doc fans getting some familiar.

This article appears in November 28 • 2025.