The Luv Doc: The Long Rider

Dear Luv Doc,

Me and my boyfriend have been together since our freshman year at UT. Last year I asked him if he wanted to move in together and he said he would have, but he already agreed to get an apartment with his best friend from high school. I was a little bit hurt that he hadn’t even considered moving in with me, but I just accepted it and got an apartment in West Campus with two of my friends. Here’s the problem: Our apartment is small and my boyfriend’s apartment is a large 2/2 in North Austin, so when we get together I usually go to his place. I don’t have a car, so getting to his apartment by bus is about a 30-40-minute ordeal depending on the time of day. I have complained about this many times, but my boyfriend always has some excuse as to why he can’t come get me in his car. Last Friday it happened again, and I told him I was just going to stay home because I didn’t have the energy for the bus ride. He actually got upset with me and said it sounded like I wanted to hang out with my friends more than him. I said, “No, I just don’t feel like making a long bus ride tonight.” He eventually agreed to come get me, but seemed annoyed the whole night. Am I wrong to be upset, or is he?

– Long Rider

You are wrong to be upset, but only because you should have ditched this loser the first time he made you take a 40-minute bus ride to avoid his own inconvenience. By now you would no longer be troubled by these indignities. You would have a peaceful mind, a clean conscience, and very likely a boyfriend who is excited about spending time with you. And, lest there are any reactionary knuckleheads out there whose larynxes are twitching in anticipation of screaming “SEXISM!” let me assure you this is not a gender issue. This is a kindness issue. It’s a generosity issue. It’s a “Why am I spending my precious time with this loser?” issue – regardless of how a person might illuminate their slice of the gender spectrum.

I mean … I could see where maybe one time he might have had a legitimate excuse. Like if he scheduled a cable installation from AT&T and they gave him their customary 8am to midnight arrival window … or if an Angel of the Lord appeared at the foot of his bed one night and told him that Jesus’ second coming was happening the next day (probably between 9 and 5 because you just know Jesus keeps banker’s hours even though there was that whole ugliness with the money-changers at the temple). J-Dawg definitely wouldn’t leave you hanging like an ATT cable installer… or Ted Cruz during a natural disaster, or Josh Hawley on January 6.

I know I maybe have meandered a bit there, but let me be very clear: Your boyfriend making you take the bus is a pretty solid sign the romance has ended. I say this not as a slander to the hardworking folks at Capital Metro. They do a damn fine job of keeping their schedules amidst the absolute insanity that is Austin Traffic, but I think even hardcore riders would agree it’s usually much nicer to ride in a car. So, as a public service announcement, for all you currently unatttached folks out there: When you offer someone you’re attracted to a ride home and they say, “No, I’ll just take the bus.” That’s a really good sign you might want to update your Tinder profile.

All that said, before I drag your boyfriend through the dirt any further, I should probably point out that there are surely some professional therapists out there who might applaud your boyfriend for clearly stating his needs and not knuckling under to some epigenetic martyr complex or some outdated notion of chivalry. They’re right, of course, IF you’re looking for ways to rationalize spending the rest of your life with an asshole. Otherwise, let me perhaps be the first to instill in you a sense of hope that there is someone – probably here in Austin or even more specifically at UT – who will treat you with kindness, generosity, and perhaps even adoration. Good luck on your journey and don’t forget to pay your fare with correct change.

This article appears in September 19 • 2025.