Dear Luv Doc,
I have been living with my girlfriend now for nearly two years. We don’t fight very often and when we do it’s usually not a huge deal. Lately she has been talking about getting married. I am not against this idea, but I have one reservation. We work at the same company, and occasionally we end up collaborating on projects. More than a few times I have seen her steamroll others or use devious methods in order to get her way. Usually there is no real harm done and the projects are successful, but rarely have I felt the ends justified the means. So tell me: Is it a mistake making a commitment to someone whose behavior I sometimes don’t approve of?
– Justin
Yes, big mistake. In the words of the Department of Homeland Security (guess who just got wiretapped?), if you see something, say something. Bad shit happens when good people do nothing. For example, in the recent election over 40% of eligible voters decided to fuck both themselves and the rest of us by avoiding the long lines at the polls.
Now, it’s entirely possible that some of those people had a decent excuse to not drag themselves out to vote. Perhaps they were literally on fire or in a coma or maybe they were very recently deceased (even though Dolt 45 has insinuated that dead people made it to the polls in record numbers to vote for Hillary). The rest of the undead, morally reprehensible non-voters are personally responsible for letting an orange-toupeed vampire into the living room. I would say some self-immolation is in order, but I don’t want to give anyone an excuse to miss the next election.
That’s a disturbing image, isn’t it? Throwing stones is always a risky endeavor – though admittedly much less risky than self-immolation. The truth is that we’re all criminally negligent fuckups every now and then. Ideally, however, it’s probably not smart to tie the knot with someone who regularly bends your moral compass. Where does it end? One day you’re shaving a few dollars off the church raffle sales, and a few years down the road you’re digging a shallow grave for Pastor John.
If you want your relationship to be based on honesty and trust, you need to talk to your soon-to-be-betrothed and let her know what exactly about her work behavior makes you uncomfortable and why. You might be digging your own grave, but that’s better than eating the poison pill after becoming the next Eva Braun.
This article appears in March 24 • 2017.