Mr. Nanny

Word got out, I guess, that Schwarzenegger had a hit a few years back with Kindergarten Cop. Therefore, some lame-brains figured that – what the hell? – why not match up the Hulkster with a couple of rich, spoiled and troubled kids. But instead of asking “Why not?,” these misguided fools should have been asking “Why?” To call the script “uninspired” would be flattery. To say that Hulk Hogan matches the acting dexterity of veteran Sherman Hemsley (best known as George Jefferson) would be an equal insult to both Mr. Nanny co-stars. And if you remember director Gottlieb at all … I'm sorry. It can only be because you saw his debut feature film Mannequin, about which the only kind thing that can be said is that it was aptly titled. You might say that Gottlieb's career in motion pictures is “staying the course.” The plot in Mr. Nanny is flimsy, mostly tenuous excuses for making Hogan kiss a doll or sing a lullaby or dress in purple leotards and pink tutu while whomping on the bad guys. But so many things in the story make so little sense that you have to ask yourself why the people involved in the project weren't asking themselves more questions from the get-go. I suspect that Hogan is truly a well-intentioned human being whose feelings for children are heartfelt and whose desire to expand his acting arena from the wrestling ring to the silver screen are genuine. But the sewers of Hollywood are flowing with good intentions. Johansen (who also composed some of the music) makes an occasionally campy arch-villain with a metal plate in his head. Playing a character named Thanatos, he's like some cartoon villain from the old Batman TV series. Unfortunately, the persona of Hulk Hogan seems to be all the cartoon one movie can handle. Our advice? No no, Nanny.