The Luv Doc: Leonardo DiCaprio: What a Dumbass

Luvdoc, Last weekend, my boyfriend broke up with me after two years. He says he hasn’t met someone else. He is graduating from UT this May (I still have a year to go), and he says he needs to focus on finding a job and he's not sure he will be able to stay in Austin. He also says that he wants to be friends and that at some point we might get back together, but for now I should date other guys if I want to. I don’t want to date anyone else. I told him I would wait for him. Am I just being stupid? Is he just trying not to hurt my feelings? - Confused

OK, it’s pretty clear that you’re new to this whole break up thing, so I am going to be gentle. Yes, you’re being stupid. That’s what love does to people. It makes them stupid. Fortunately, the world is full of dumbasses just like yourself, so chin up, you’re not alone. Ever seen Titanic? What was Leonardo DiCaprio thinking? He could have totally pushed Kate Winslet off that door and saved himself. What a dumbass.

Here’s the bad news: You’re ex-boyfriend is no Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s setting you adrift, yes, but it’s not out of love. He’s also probably not going to do you the favor of freezing to death in the icy waters of the North Atlantic. You should probably file that image under “fantasies.” If strong emotions weren’t clouding your hearing, you could probably understand what he is really saying, which is: “I am tired of being with you, so I would like to try shagging some other chicks. However, if that doesn’t work out, I would still like to make a booty call every now and then. Lastly, if for some reason I turn out to be a total loser who can’t attract anyone else, I may decide to stick with you.”

Like I was saying, your ex is no Leonardo DiCaprio, but you can at least give him credit for not being a total dick. There's really no good way to dump someone. So, what do you do now? I would suggest not obsessing about why he dumped you because there’s a good chance you will never know. Instead, try to remember who you were before he came along and then focus on becoming the kind of God-stomping superhuman badass that might make Leonardo DiCaprio drown for you – or at least cough up Ryan Gosling’s digits before he does. Trust me, this isn’t the end of the world, just the beginning of a whole new one.