The Luv Doc: Bored People Suck

Actually, that's not true. They don't suck at all.

"...other stuff. Every single bit. Just ew. Bored people suck. Hard. All the way to the base. Pubic hair..."

July 8, 2016 Column by The Luv Doc

Vampires Suck

From the filmmaking team that gave us Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans comes this inevitable spoof of teen vampire movies.

"...satire vs. parody front. The best thing about Vampires Suck, and I use the term guardedly, is Proske's dead-on..."

Aug. 27, 2010 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

How to Suck as Much as Count Muskula

With help from our annual Halloween mask

"...mask. Channeling his seductive vampy energy, you too may suck all manner of things into your maw: bitcoin, antisemites,..."

Oct. 27, 2023 Features Feature by the News Team

You Guys Suck!

"...not include even one of the countless "You guys suck because you never review my band!" letters printed over..."

Sept. 6, 2016 Postmarks

Suck on This

In anticipation of Jason Henderson's new comic, Sword of Dracula, the Alamo Drafthouse Downtown will host a "blood-sucking triple feature" this Friday.

"...We know our vampire comics, and this one doesn't suck. That's Dracula's job...."

July 25, 2003 Screens Feature by Marc Savlov

Austin Contemplates How to Make I-35 Suck Less

The past, present, and future of the man-made barrier through the heart of our town

June 21, 2019 News Feature by Mike Clark-Madison

How To Say 'Suck It' To the Censors

Celebrate your right to read at Thursday's Banned Books Bash

Oct. 3, 2012 Books Post by Kimberley Jones

Not So Much With Teh Suck, Actually

Or: What, things aren't awesome enough for you yet?

May 17, 2012 Chronolog Post by Wayne Alan Brenner

Emily Hagins So Does Not Suck!

Emily Hagins secures distro deal with MPI Media

"...bigtimers MPI Media for her most recent film, My Sucky Teen Romance...."

Oct. 19, 2011 Screens Post by Marc Savlov

A Time Suck for Hump Day

Another web-browser game to help you while away the workday

May 13, 2009 Screens Post by James Renovitch

Lesbians Suck

Britain's hot new lezzie sucky sucky fest…

March 2, 2009 Qmmunity Post by Andy Campbell

Does Your Favorite Band Suck?

Aug. 7, 2008 Postmarks

'First Rock-Star President' Tours Texas, Opening Acts Suck

Bill Clinton spoke at UT as part of Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Big whoop.

Feb. 28, 2008 News Post by Matt Martinez

Thirsty? Here, Suck on My Shoe

Nordstrom pulls flask flip-flop.

"...not amused – not, apparently, at the idea of sucking back a sip from a shoe but at the..."

Nov. 19, 2007 News Post by Jordan Smith

Why Do Most Queer Flicks Suck?

And to think we could've spent the night eating in.

April 1, 2007 Qmmunity Post by Kate Getty

Remember the Titans ... Suck (aw, Snap)

Oct. 2, 2006 Sports Post by Jeremy Martin

What Does Business During the Day and Doesn't Suck?

Drakula's Romanian cuisine is all treats and no tricks

Oct. 21, 2005 Food Feature by Rachel Feit

Stevens and 'Chronicle' Suck Because They Don't Write Enough About My Band and the Other Bands I Like

July 13, 2005 Postmarks

'Chronicle' Staff and Cover Both Suck

Nov. 2, 2004 Postmarks

Corporate Web Sites Still Suck

July 23, 2004 Postmarks

“Dear Mayor Adler …”

Angry Uber and Lyft fans vent profane outrage on City Hall

"...Uber and Lyft to immediately cease operations in Austin. “Suck my ass” was more common...."

May 14, 2016 News Post by Michael King

The 15:17 to Paris

Eastwood cast innovative to re-create the Paris train attack.

"...reciting lines in an unmodulated delivery), they don’t entirely suck (Sadler seems the most comfortable on camera), though admittedly..."

Feb. 16, 2018 Movie Review by Steve Davis

Playback: Gourds Co-Leader Jimmy Smith Heads to Montana

Jimmy Smith heads for higher ground, Pete Mitchell reaches a higher plane, and Izzy Cox would like to remain upright on terra firma

"...How bad does Austin suck now that you're moving to Montana?..."

July 29, 2016 Music Column by Kevin Curtin

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Tina Fey becomes a war correspondent in her new comedy

"...wise to embrace the movie’s closing moral: “Embrace the suck, and move the fuck forward.” WTF is on the..."

March 11, 2016 Movie Review by Marjorie Baumgarten

Oblivion

Tom Cruise stars in this science-fiction outing that favors style over substance.

"...are a couple who help maintain giant machines that suck out vital resources from the oceans and what’s left..."

April 19, 2013 Movie Review by Louis Black

New Year's Eve

Did you see Garry Marshall's last all-star movie Valentine's Day? This is the same silly claptrap, just a different holiday.

"...appalling stuff, a poorly constructed, sentimental sham. Auld lang suck...."

Dec. 9, 2011 Movie Review by Kimberley Jones

Sturgeon’s Revelation Revisited

The mystery of Mumford & Sons

"...to attend the I’m Not Old, Your Music Does Suck panel I moderated at South by Southwest this year,..."

April 27, 2011 Music Post by Jim Caligiuri

Darna Zaroori Hai

Unusual Bollywood film is an anthology horror film with segments directed by seven different directors.

"...know that even in India, horror-film sequels just plain suck...."

May 12, 2006 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Running Scared

Wayne Kramer's follow-up to his crime drama The Cooler has no moral compass, and swings wildly out of control while blanketed in hyper-violent digital gore effects and a thick, black nausea of the soul.

"...just a bad movie – it actually manages to suck the very hope out of the air, leaving behind..."

March 3, 2006 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Serenity

Joss Whedon’s Western/sci-fi hybrid (which was canceled from TV but greenlighted for the movies) evinces the kind of swashbuckling bonhomie that made so many of us fall in love with the original Star Wars films.

"...about Serenity: Did it make sense, and did it suck? In short order: Yes (more or less), and no,..."

Sept. 30, 2005 Movie Review by Kimberley Jones

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