Soused on the Small Screen

The Andy Griffith Show’s Otis Campbell

Otis: Drunk or sober, I can't tell very much without my glasses.

Andy: Well, were you drunk when Deputy Fife arrested you?

Otis: I can't tell. I wasn't wearin' my glasses.

The Simpsons’ Barney Gumble

Barney: David Crosby? You're my hero!

Crosby: Oh, you like my music?

Barney: You're a musician?

Deadwood’s Calamity Jane

Teddy Blue: I'm too old to start drinking whiskey at 10 in the morning.

Calamity Jane: Yeah, well, I'm too old to stop.

Arrested Development’s Lucille Bluth

Lucille: I'll be in the hospital bar.

Michael: Uh, you know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother.

Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

Mad Men’s Roger Sterling

"You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it's good. Because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar. Because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do."