Blogging With the 'Chron'

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but this is a parody. Of XL ent. And their shiny new useless blogs.

Blogging With the 'Chron'
Illustration By Jason Stout

7/25, 11:34am: Woke up. Wrote. Q: Will Manchester United's sale of David Beckham to Real Madrid impact late-run box office of Bend It Like Beckham? (Dóblelo Aprecia Beckham has a certain ring to it!) Also, why never any great soccer-announcer films, i.e., Univision's Andres "Goooaaal!" Cantor in Shout It Like Cantor?

7/27, 10:24am: Woke up. The dog got into the coffee overnight and wrote a review of Seabiscuit while I slept. Ha! -- There's no "k" in "chiaroscuro," sucker. Checked out Garcia's XL ent blog online. He says his eyes hurt from dim projector bulbs. Plot to incapacitate rival reviewers coming along nicely. [Note: Send "thank you" champagne to Mr. Cameron's office for tip.]

7/27, 12:58pm: Woke up. Wrote. Drank rest of coffee left over from last night. Crunchy. Why does Sylvester Stallone hate me? His paintings are so cool. Wish I were more like him. [Note: Develop upper body strength; get agent.]

7/29, 9am: Still asleep. Had the strangest dream last night: I was trapped in The Seventh Seal but playing Pictionary, not chess. [Note: Learn chess.] Article on lack of decent vegetarian films coming along, still no title though. (How to Veal? Yes!) Also, Tim at Alamo called -- says my idea for a Clint and Moe Howard minifest "asinine." This from a guy who drives a Cooper. Bah!

7/30, 10:13am: Woke up. No coffee, just creamer. Got a catty e-mail from a reader who disagreed with my assessment of Reptilicus' timeless magic. As if. [Note: Will dreadlocks make me more insightful? Call Elvis Mitchell.] Went for jog on Town Lake and ran into Owen Wilson, literally. Broke his nose. Looks better now!

7/31, 5:29pm: Ran into Billy Bob Thornton at Kenichi last night but mistook him for Steven Van Zandt (everybody looks the same with bandanna and toro). Asked him if he ever got around to playing Sun City, and he just stared. Chagrined, I told him I thought Sling Blade was much better than Blade 2. Threw unagi at me, chased me down Sixth Street.

8/1, 9:46am: Woke up. Mistook miso for coffee. (Not bad!) Wrote piece on "Jerry Bruckheimer's Feminist Mystique." At last! My Acme Novelty Dreadlocks finally arrived! Head itches, but looks good on dog.

[Ed. note: They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but this is a parody. Of XL ent. And their shiny new blogs, which you can find at www.austin360.com/calendar/content/events/xlblogs/xl_blogs.html.]

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

READ MORE
More Screens
Austin Artist Brings Gamera to Vibrant Life in a New Box Set
Austin Artist Brings Gamera to Vibrant Life in a New Box Set
Matt Frank builds the perfect monster

Richard Whittaker, Aug. 28, 2020

SXSW Film
SXSW Film Reviews: 'Lunarcy!'
Daily Reviews and Interviews

Wayne Alan Brenner, March 15, 2013

More by Marc Savlov
Wojnarowicz: F**k You F*ggot F**cker
Inside the creativity and fury of the artist provocateur

March 26, 2021

SXSW Film Review: <i>The Hunt for Planet B</i>
SXSW Film Review: The Hunt for Planet B
We’re gonna need a bigger telescope ...

March 19, 2021

KEYWORDS FOR THIS STORY

blog, XL ent., Chris Garcia, Owen Wilson, Elvis Mitchell, Tim League, Billy Bob Thornton, Sylvester Stallone, Reptilicus, Seabiscuit, Jerry Bruckheimer, Bend It Like Beckham

MORE IN THE ARCHIVES
NEWSLETTERS
One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

New recipes and food news delivered Mondays

Eric Goodman's Austin FC column, other soccer news

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle