Wild, Wild Webcasts

By Jason Stout

So it's New Year's Eve 1999, the final few hours of hype, hope, and (possible) horror draining away like so much sand in a busted hourglass. And not a second too soon. If you're like most of the first world, you're likely to spend the night reveling in the appointed hour amidst a swirl of tuxedos, gowns, liquor, and Moet, topped with the kind of cheap cardboard headgear you've haven't donned since that swinging fifth birthday party when you had too much bundt cake and lost it all over the poodle. You see? I remember these things. You're all grown up now, more or less, and the time to put away childish things has long since come and gone. Sure, the Pokémon stocking stuffers were an unexpected hit six days back, but all things considered, it's time to welcome the almost-new millennium with just a hint of decorum and grace. That means Moet, not Ripple, and a studiously unsoiled canine companion at your heels. For many, though, the thought of all those crowds champing at the alcoholic bit, shivering in the chilly, late-night breeze, and counting down the final seconds to the year 2000 like so many trained monkeys lapdogging Dick Clark, isn't exactly where it's at.

Why brave what televangelists across the globe have christened "total and utter doom," when -- especially here in the Silicon Hills -- you can plop yourself down in front of your Powerbook, dial up our friends at RoadRunner, and catch all the millennial carnage from the safety of your crib (all while sampling generously from your stash of fine, South African champagne)?

Call them party poopers, call them cowards, call them the only sane people left in the country -- they're going to stick it out indoors, at home, and out of sight of the rampaging packs of cops and yahoos. This article is for them -- the few, the not-so-proud, the clearly sensible. Those who choose to avoid the rush entirely.

Predictably, my response to the idea of an article on Web-based New Year's Eve events was a bit -- nonplused. Why on earth would anyone want to do that? Granted, I'm staying home myself that night, but only because several dozen other folks have ganged up and decided that my place is just perfect for a cozy, downtown get-together and damn the pimento stains coating the interior of grandma's armoire (what were they doing in there?).

For many of us, sitting in front of the monitor and surfing through page after page of Web sites -- either for work or anti-work -- is a regular nightly ritual. Is there really a need to add to our carpal tunnel syndrome on this, of all nights? And, of course, with predictions of Y2K snafus still making the rounds (albeit less vociferously than this time last year), the question of whether it's just not tempting fate to muck about with the TechGods at the stroke of 12.12.99.11:11:59 is clearly begging to be asked. I myself had planned to suavely drop the flaming bulk of my ancient Commodore 64 out my second story window and into the abyss come midnight. Out with the old and in with the new and all that.

Still, the idea remains tempting. How else are you going to ring in the new with a (semi-) crystal-clear frame shot of Times Square insanity or a stutter-streaming quicktime image of one of the largest raves in the world, all without having to pay cab fare? To wit, then -- the best, worst, and most "gee, wish I was there instead of sitting in front of my monitor like a schmuck" Webcasts of New Year's Eve, 1999.

Personally, the gang at First Night have always seemed a bit off the beaten path for me. Based out of Boston and created in 1976 to offer revelers a more arts-and-crafts-oriented affair (and a nonalcoholic choice when it comes to end-of-year mayhem), they've struck me as missing the point a bit. Isn't New Year's the one time we have to really let those inhibitions fly? What better moment to discover if a champagne cork is really as deadly a missile as we've all heard? I mean, really, who goes to Starbucks for New Year's (apart from Dr. Evil)? Sloppy drunks aside, First Night has been offering these sorts of affairs for 23 years in numerous locations across the U.S. to great acclaim, so one hopes they know what they're getting into with a millennial wrap-up. This year they've taken to Webcasting various events (presumably at various cities, though the information on this is difficult to unearth), all of which will be encompassed in their sizable Web site at http://www.virtualfirstnight.org/. Broken down into easily palatable chunks, the site features links to such kinda-sorta-but-not-really-millennial goodies as the Museum of Modern Art and the Louvre, as well as a "coffeehouse" link that zips you to a virtual dive populated by (yet more) links to authors, artists, and poets (Tennyson, anyone?). There's also a collection of film links, including the American Film Institute's Film Preservation Initiative, one to the Writer's Guild of America, and, finally something that's really cool, a link to our friends at the much-lauded Girls on Film site (if you haven't been there you really ought to check it out).

Of course, what this all has to do with the millennium escapes me, although it's plain to see that in lieu of alcohol, rampant snogging, and live music, the First Night folks would rather we all immerse ourselves in some culture for a change. (This also goes a long way toward explaining why there's no mention of Austin in First Night's lengthy list of cities where their live events will be held. After all, alcoholic snogging to live music pretty much is our culture.)

There are a few kicky perks the First Nighters have allowed aboard their site, though: The "Children's Area" section contains links to, among other things, a Dr. Seuss page, some Wallace and Gromit arcana, and, lest we forget, Mr. Edible Starchy Tuber Head. These things are readily available elsewhere on the Net, and I doubt very highly that Mr. and Mrs. Tuber Head are likely to put on a risque, millennial-countdown-striptease for us. More's the pity.

If First Night's idea of fun sounds like heaven to you, then Planet New Year 2000's (PNY2K) funkadelic rave-o-rama is going to make your soul bleed. Of course, it'll also make your ass move, too, but probably not in the way you'd like. One of many, many giant rave and electronica events being hosted across the globe as the clock rolls over, this one takes place deep in the heart of Austin's sister-city-in-technology, San Jose, California. A live Webcast at http://coolworldprod.com/events.pny2k_sf.html/ will take place beginning at 9pm and run 'til either 2pm on Jan. 1 -- or until the the tech crew drops dead from too much Ecstasy 'n' Red Bull combos.

Online rave-cams have always been a bit dodgy -- who wants to watch other people having all that fun when you're not? But the live, on-site lineup is truly staggering in its breadth and scope. The event is scheduled to take place on 250 acres at the Santa Clara Fairgrounds and includes no less than five "entertainment arenas," three "massive themed indoor dance areas," a "raging funzone with wild rides," and more than 50 live acts and DJs. As the site-hype trumpets, it's "a massive multicultural gathering uniting the globe and launching us into the next millennium and beyond ... a new celebration of life ... and the preservation of our Mother Earth." Yeesh. Somebody got into the cookie jar a little early, I think.

Having checked out a similar (though smaller) online rave event which occurred at the famed London club Ministry of Sound a few months back, I can only wonder how much of the action anybody is likely to catch on a dark and strobing Quicktime stream. Suffice to say, unless you have your PC hooked up to some bootie-leveling Harmon Kardons; you're not bloody likely to feel the full sternum-walloping intensity of the DJs, among whom are the amazing Kool Keith, aka Dr. Octagon, house music maestro Doc Martin, the Invisibl Scratch Piklz DJ Craze, Hieroglyphics Jay-Bizz, and about a gajillion people you've never heard of. Yet.

Still not enough for you? You must be sober. Go nail a Red Bull and vodka and then maybe if you're lucky, they'll have a Webcam on the area known as "Planet Erotica," featuring South Bay house-heads Jonene and Norman. I don't know about the DJs, but the name Planet Erotica begs a Webcam stat.

But wait, there's more: PNY2K boasts a fully interactive playground with Lazer Tag, bungee jumping, thrill rides, and a whole lotta club kids getting violently ill after running out of orange juice and trying to drink the contents of their lightsticks instead. Did I mention there's a "full-service alcohol garden?" Don't worry, it's of no use to you if you're sitting at home watching the "raging funzone" from 2,000 miles away. And you call yourself a raver.

Leave it to the swellheads at Earthcam.net (http://www.earthcam.net) to come up with the Webcast of the Century (conveniently located at http://www.webcastofthecentury.com). Earthcam has been mounting vidcams in so many places of late that I'll bet more than a few conspiracy wingnuts think they're in cahoots with the FBI. But the fact is these guys (and girls) have been preparing for -- wait for it -- "the Webcast of the century."

New York, London, Paris, Hong Kong, and even Moscow are included as well as a host of others (Dallas is in there, but oddly, no Austin, where we all know the real street party will be). A clickable map broken up into the various global time zones greets the viewer, who can then click on any zone or choose from a pre-selected series of buttons linking to the metropoli above. Since there's not much going on yet, the cams are down and showing virtual nada, but if the seven cameras mounted throughout the Big Apple are any indication, this is a site that backs up its titular claims. Imagine New Year's Eve 1999 -- Times Square, the ball, two million sweaty drunk party people jostling for a better angle -- why go when Earthcam will take you there free of charge and you won't even have to learn Aramaic to hail a cab? See? Sometimes Webcams are a good idea.

Speaking of Walt Disney Inc. -- sorry, I mean "Times Square" -- if you want to check out the madness from the security of your own home, well, you've got a choice: Earthcam isn't the only wino on the stoop when it comes to Giuliani-inspired chaos. There's also http://www.timessquare2000.com, a site which, frankly, repeatedly crashed my Mac and then, when it did work, presented me with the single most annoying millennial countdown opening page I've ever encountered: Visualize 150-point 10s, nines, eights, etc., slooooowly counting down with no escape button in sight. Not much of a choice, I know, but I guess I should finally upgrade to RoadRunner soon, anyway.

Virtually the same virtual shenanigans as above, but with more emphasis on NYC-based operations and parties, plus assorted links to other, lesser affairs. Heck, if you're in town and you can't make it to Twilo to catch Sasha and Digweed's gobstopping New Year's set, at least you can watch a couple of guys get in a fistfight from 100 feet above 'em. Remember: The Bronx is up, the Battery's down, and the cameras are up, too.

Finally, the party capital of the United States is not surprisingly throwing itself a hella-shindig on New Year's Eve, and I'd wager Will Smith is going to be there with bells on. Or not. The Webcasting is going on at http://www.downtownmiami2000.com, and the event -- this particular one, anyway -- is Miami 2000 at the Ice Palace Film Studios. Like PNY2K, this is another future-music event, though since it's not on 100-plus acres of land, a considerably smaller one. If you can pick them out on your streaming video, you might just see world-famous DJs Kimball Collins and Danny Tenaglia turning a quartet of Technics turntables into so much molten goo. And guess what? If you watch from home you don't have to pay the $250 cover ($5,000 for VIP party of five -- yikes!). Of course, you also don't get to go for a dip in the Pacific with a couple of models from the Elite Modeling Agency, either, so it's your call.

Me? I think I'll get a ticket and iron my trunks.