Season's Greetings

The Meet Market:

Charmed(WB, Wednesdays, 8pm; premieres 10/7): The Craft meets Sisters in the land of Bewitched, only Aaron Spelling is the devil. Alyssa Milano and Shannen Doherty are already Spelling-tested but the pilot I saw had not yet cast Milano into the brew. Its main ingredients of X-Files-like special effects and three witchy sisters seemed suitably contrived and the only thing this show needs is an audience. Too bad it's opposite Party of Five.

That 70's Show (FOX, Sundays 8:30pm): Dazed & Confused meets Happy Days with slightly more intelligence. Charming cast, uneven scripts but the problem really is that when I channel surf during the commercials, I forget to turn back. Because FOX premiered it in August, the first few episodes slipped away from me but what I saw is witty and promising -- might be good to catch in the reruns for me but I bet it gets picked up anyway.

Felicity (WB, Tuesdays 8pm): Ally McBeal meets My So-Called Life on campus. Please, no more glowing reviews of this show describing star Keri Russell as "luminous." The young actress is indeed appealing and if it survives the crush, it will be more on her winsomeness than the plot I watched in a preview. The part of the show I remember best seemed to say that not only were there no consequences for impulse decisions but you can sleep with a new friend's object of affection and still remain buddies.

Wind on Water (NBC, 7pm; premieres 10/17). Dallas meets Dynasty in Paradise with Bo Derek in tow. Maui, actually, but by the time this dismal prospect hits the small screen, I doubt if anyone will care. I lived in Hawaii during its Jake and the Fat Man era, post-Magnum PI. If you haole idiots in Hollywood make one more show in Hawaii where the hula girls are Japanese and Iolani Palace is passed off as the police headquarters, I will feed you rotten lau-lau and make you listen to Don Ho until you puke your guts out. Please try to include some locals in the cast, and I don't mean as string-bikinied surfer girls and inscrutable detectives.

Brimstone (FOX, Tuesdays 8pm; premieres 10/27). This PeterHorton (Thirtysomething) vehicle has been dubbed Touched by the Devil, and I can't top that.

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