Hightower Report: Lubbock County Judge Goes Nuts
Tom Head gives Todd Akin a run for his money
While Rep. Todd Akin's pseudoscientific tommyrot about "legitimate rape" has surged him into the lead for the title of Dottiest and Most Dangerous Political Nut of the Year, never count out us Texans in any hard-nut contest.
Our state's front-runner had been Ted Cruz, currently the GOP candidate for U.S. Senate, who's deeply concerned that the United Nations is plotting to take over America's golf courses. Suddenly, however, a dark horse from Lubbock has shot into the lead. Perhaps suffering from the heat of August, county Judge Tom Head shocked and delighted the rightwing-o-sphere by proving that it's actually humanly possible to get even nuttier about President Obama than simply ranting that he's a Kenyan Muslim socialist. I'll let Head speak for himself:
"In this political climate, what is the worst thing that could happen?" he asked during a TV interview. His own answer: "Obama gets back in the White House." Plunging deeper into paranoid darkness, Head then announced that a re-elected Obama is "going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the [United Nations]." And that, warned the judge, will lead to the worst – "civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war maybe. We're talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy."
"Now what's going to happen if we do that?" asked Head, building to his logical conclusion: Obama's "going to send in UN troops."
He told Lubbockians not to worry though, for he was pushing for a local tax increase to give him more police and weaponry to combat Obama's diabolical UN takeover scheme. "I don't want 'em in Lubbock County," Head said. "So I'm going to stand in front of their armored personnel carrier and say, 'You're not coming in here.'"
Thank you, Judge Head, for showing America just what you're made of: a sack of nuts and a bucket of silly putty.
For more information on Jim Hightower's work – and to subscribe to his award-winning monthly newsletter, "The Hightower Lowdown" – visit www.jimhightower.com. You can hear his radio commentaries on KOOP Radio 91.7FM, weekdays at 10:58am and 12:58pm.