The Hightower Report

Name That Clown Show!

We give inventive names to flocks or herds of various animals – such as a "gaggle" of geese, a "troop" of monkeys, or a "pride" of lions. So, what name should we give to that bunch of two-legged Republican mammals presently running for president?

It includes the likes of Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick "Oops" Perry, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Santorum – plus, Herman Cain might even jump back in. Wow! Would you call that a contagion of candidates, a jumble, a delirium ... or what? Send your suggestions for a group name to me, and our panel of political zoologists will select three winners, who'll receive a year's subscription to my monthly newsletter, "The Hightower Lowdown."

Of course, every circus needs a sideshow, and who better than Donnie Trump to turn an already strange primary election into something freakish? Just one week prior to January's Iowa caucuses, the Donald will host his very own nationally televised debate among the GOP contenders – or at least those who are shameless enough to participate in such a sordid command performance. Bloated with the fumes of his own ego, Trump has suggested that the candidate who most impresses him at his Donnie-Palooza Debate might be blessed with his endorsement.

To their credit, Jon Huntsman, Paul, and Romney have told the gaseous colossus of self-adoration to kiss off. "I'm not going to kiss his ring," Huntsman bluntly declared, "and I'm not going to kiss any other part of his anatomy." Ew ... the very thought of that last part is beyond creepy.

Yet, that's what the Repub primary is coming to. So far, Gingrich, Bachmann, and San­torum have jumped at the chance to dance for Donnie at his debate. What name fits such a group of odd ducks? I eagerly await your suggestions: email to info@jimhightower.com.

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For more information on Jim Hightower's work – and to subscribe to his award-winning monthly newsletter, "The Hightower Lowdown" – visit www.jimhightower.com. You can hear his radio commentaries on KOOP Radio 91.7FM, weekdays at 10:58am and 12:58pm.