Cheney in Austin

The Vice-President's Day Planner

By Wells Dunbar, Fri., Sept. 16, 2005

Illustration By Doug Potter

The following draft agenda was reportedly discovered abandoned near the Austin Convention Center, under the initials "D.C." and the note, "Double Super Secret Deep Background!!!"

9am: Call in air strike on City Hall (suspected WMD)

10am: To hell with the municipal smoking ban – incinerate some FEMA appointees

11am: Secure no-bid contract for Halliburton to rebuild City Hall

Noon: BBQ at the Iron Works – clutch heart, scream, "I'ma comin', 'Lizabeth!!"

1pm: Refreshing nap, hanging under Congress Avenue bridge

2pm: Call George to go over Katrina talking points; review pronunciation of "culture of entitlement"

3pm: Slash funding to National Weather Service for not staying on message

4pm: Meet with evacuees – tell them to go fuck themselves!!!

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