Naked City

Spending It All in One Place: The Unknown Texas Quarters

Last week, in a ceremony at the Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum – aka "The Mausoleum Obscured by a Big Star" – Gov. Rick Perry unveiled the newly minted Texas quarter, featuring a Daniel Miller design soon to be known as "The Outline of Texas Obscured by a Big Star." Perry declared, "I have long considered the Lone Star of Texas a guiding light that leads people to a special land of opportunity." In all, there were 2,500 designs submitted for the coin. Naked City has obtained a few of the rejected proposals and offers them here as a special treat for Chronicle readers.

"The Lone Gurney"

Texas is known all over the world for its leadership in lethal injections – now you can carry in your pocket your own personal execution chamber!

"The Lone-Starred Bandit"

The schools are getting a little threadbare, and there aren't enough textbooks to go around, but we're doing our best to save the gambling industry. Do your part!

"Smog Capital U.S.A."

Los Angeles has pretensions, but only Houston has unregulated refineries, petrochemical plants, and automotive gridlock exhaling in perfect harmony! Take a deep breath!

"Swimming in PigShit"

The Texas panhandle is the home to millions of factory-farmed swine and billions of pounds of animal waste – No. 1 in the U.S., more than twice that of No. 2, California! It smells like money! Just don't drink the water.

"Tits for Tots"

When it was time to fund the public schools, the governor was ready: Let the girls down at the Bada Bing shimmy for schoolchildren! Do the Laptop Lapdance!

"Nuke the Desert"

New York City sludge, heavy with toxic metals, was not a big hit out in West Texas – but the nuclear power industry just keeps on glowing. We're on the Highway to Armageddon!
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