In Loco Parentis ("Beep-Beep')

The U. of Texas is boasting its largest freshman class ever, and no doubt every one of the 8,000 or so burnt orange babies has convinced Mommy and Daddy that Austin is the only place to get a college education. So what does The Daily Texan include in its first back-to-school edition? A slick card advertising a gadget called the "Lady Melissa Birth Control Pill Case," with "ALARM NOTIFICATION" to remind freshwomen to take their pills. (Note: Lady Melissa does not play "The Eyes of Texas," or come in burnt orange.) Though the company's Web site warns that three million unwanted pregnancies are caused by misuse of oral contraception, another page on the same site says only one million unplanned pregnancies occur annually. But who's counting, besides the advertisers? More importantly, why aren't there any ads or articles in the same New Student Edition aimed at guys and their you-know-whats, just in case Lady Melissa's battery fails?

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More by Walter Howerton Jr
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