The Austin Chronicle

The Year That Wasn't

January 5, 2001, News

Kirk Watson's Top 10 Career Options After He Retires as Mayor

1. City Manager Now that the mayor has been close to power, he will persuade Jesús Garza to move on and take the real power position in city government.

2. Texas Supreme Court After reading Dallas Morning News reporter Mark Currinden's investigative series that described the Texas Supremes as an activist court, Rick Perry (believing "activist" is synonymous with "liberal") will name Watson to the vacant seat on the court.

3. Texas Attorney General Having been embarrassed by John Cornyn's performance in the tobacco fee fight, G.W. Bush will move Cornyn into a closet in the Justice Department and Watson will run. (He would be the strongest consumer advocate in the position since Jim Mattox left and Dan Morales forgot that he was a Democrat.)

4. U.S. Senate Of course, he'd have to deal with Democrats such as Gene Kelly and Greens such as Gary Dugger in order to get there, but if Phil Gramm is moved to the Fed or Kay Bailey retires to run for governor, Watson would improve the quality of discourse in the Senate and probably stake out a political middle ground somewhere between positions held by Ralph Yarborough and Lloyd Bentsen.

5. Any Office where he'd again have two homeless transvestites and a cab driver as opponents.

6. Dog Catcher, Tax Collector -- Anything to get away from Beverly Griffith!

7. U.S. Congress After redistricting, he may not even have to move out of Tarrytown to avoid a head-to-head with Lloyd Doggett.

8. Cabinet Official in the ... oh, wait, Gore didn't win. Scratch that.

9. Constable Keep his name on the ballot while Beverly Griffith takes her turn as mayor and flops dismally, then return in triumph.

10. Private Citizen, Trial Lawyer, and Family Man. Naaaaaaaah.

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