Deep Six

1. No sweat. A February 7 Channel 42 "in-depth report" examined the effect of stress on four different Central Texas residents: a housewife, a heart surgeon, a basketball coach, and (conveniently enough) K-EYE anchor Neal Spelce, whose pulse never once wavered during a potentially tense on-air scenario. Great, but is this news, or one more thinly disguised station promo?

2. Bad News, Part 1. Tracking the local news at 100 stations in 58 different cities on the evening of September 20, 1995, The Rocky Mountain Media Watch found that stories about crime, disaster, and war accounted for 42% of the programming. Not all crime, mind you, only the really violent kind. Stories about white collar criminals got only 2% of the total air time.

3. Bad News. Part 2. If you want to find out about AIDS, don't watch local TV. According to the Rocky Mountain Media Watch analysis, only .3% of the news time was devoted to stories about the deadly disease. Yes, that is a decimal point in front of the "3."

4. Declining Standards. A November Boston Globe poll found that 84% of those surveyed rated local television news as either "excellent" or "good." No wonder it never gets any better.

5. Twins. So many magazine covers are the same these days, such as the February 12 issue of Time and Newsweek, which both feature Magic Johnson. Then there's the issue of America's failed war on drugs, which makes it to the cover of the February 5 edition of New York Magazine and the February 12 edition of The National Review. New York Magazine and The National Review? Bad policy makes for strange bedfellows.

6. Fish Story. Look for the orca named Willy (of Free Willy fame) on the cover of the March issue of Life, along with the headline "The Happiest Whale in the World." Really? Yes, this creature has moved from Mexico to Oregon. But wouldn't it be a lot happier if it was finally released into the ocean? n