The Dung Beatles

Texas platters

Phases and Stages

The Dung Beatles

Ass Masters Volume One
(Parlothrone/
Crapitol)

In an even less perfect world, the idea of slathering the Beatles catalog with a steaming heap of scatological lyrics could've easily been a junior high lunchroom epiphany that never got properly acted upon. While lesser poo-minded youth grew into useless lawyers and bankers, the Dung Beatles returned to their dream with the same determination that brought MacArthur back to the Philippines. A fleeting, minor masterpiece of sewer comedy, Ass Masters Volume One is an album-length fart joke that aims right for the bottom. John (just John, thank you), Paul McFartney, George Harriasson, and Dungo Farrt are musically and harmonically competent enough to pass as a decent Beatles tribute act, but execrable stink bombs like "From Meat to Poo," "Hard Day's Shite," and "Can't Wipe Me Bung" send corporate gig prospects a-waftin' into oblivion. Lest you think this Colonpool-bred quartet is just a one-joke pony, locker room rocker "I Saw Her Pubic Hair" and the Reeperbahn-inspired "Schiel Eet Dich" are impressive topical reach-arounds. Ass Masters even captures the heady days of Dung Beatlemania with a live recording of Little Shittard's "Long Tall Soily" at their command performance for the Queef at the Fellatium. If this sounds like the dumbest, most asinine travesty you've ever heard of, stay far away and keep that air freshener handy. Personally, I can't wait for Ass Masters Volume Two, which will reportedly feature latter-day D.B. classics "Sgt. Pooper's Lonely Farts Club Band," "The Long and Winding Load," and "Revolution #2." Let it flow, boys.

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