Throwin' The D!

Jack Black and Kyle Gass

Being the self-proclaimed "Greatest Band on Earth," the members of Tenacious D don't wait for an interviewer to ask questions. They simply blast right into whatever they want to say. Immediately upon confirming that I'm speaking to them from Austin, where their long-sold-out show at the Austin Music Hall happens this Friday, Jack Black (the "less hefty one") blurts out, "Dude, you guys got good burritos. One place I went, they had like 13 people behind the counter, and the line was about 100 people long, and it moved by in about two minutes!" (Our experts agree he must be talking about Freebirds.) He also has a logical explanation as to why Austin rents have risen so high: "It's rad!"

"We would like to do a benefit for people's rent," interjects Kyle Gass (the "more hefty one").

Upon being asked when this benefit might occur, the subject changes abruptly.

Gass: "Now, listen. I like Emo's!"

Black: "I do too."

Gass: "I usually end up there."

Black: "Dude, are the Dung Beatles gonna open for us?"

Gass: "I think it's the Diamond Smugglers."

After the pair answer a few more of their own questions, I attempt to delve into deeper waters. How was it, I ask, that after being introduced to the awesome power that is the Diamond Smugglers (the only Neil Diamond cover band to do a credible version of Nirvana's "Rape Me"), Black ended up in a movie, Saving Silverman, about an offbeat Diamond cover band?

"It's a bit of a coincidence," he confesses, with little audible sign of shame, "although ... Neil Diamond has a powerful kitschy effect that spreads beyond those two events."

Does that mean we won't be seeing a Fuckemos-influenced movie, I ask slyly?

"Dude! How did you know I was down with the Fuckemos?!?" gasps Black. "Are they from Austin? Holy shit! How come they're not opening for us? No, the Diamond Smugglers will be rad, but when I first ... I was walking through a record store and I saw the Fuckemos. I had never heard of them, but I just had to have it!"

I inform the two that their appearance in Austin could have sold out two shows, according to the promoter Direct Events, upon which Gass seems genuinely surprised, stuttering, "W-what? That's a huge venue!" Black, however, is once again unimpressed, declaring, "That's probably because the last time we played there [SXSW 2000], the doors exploded off the hinges. You know what [the AMH] is -- it's deep dish! I bet they have, like, cattle shows and things there."

Black's off again:

Black: "Why isn't Wan Santo Condo opening for us?"

Gass: "They were asked, but I think they had another engagement ... ."

Before they get lost in another interpersonal Q&A, I ask if the D have any final words.

"People of Austin," Gass exclaims, "I'm sorry you won't all be able to get into the show, but we will be prepared to party after at Emo's [with the Fuckemos' new incarnation U.S.S. Friendship along with the Heroine Sheiks, 400 Blows, and the Convocation of ...]. No sausage allowed."

That last crack irritates Black, who knows which gender buys the majority of the D's albums.

"Dude, who's invited to the bash?" he queries.

In unison, they reply with a quote from the classic D anthem "Kyle Quit the Band":

"Everybody's invited to the bash!"

Gass accedes sheepishly. "Sausages and doughnuts."