Matt & Susy's Two-Step and Swing Dance Lessons

The two-step. Maybe you associate it with those redneck, chaw-cheeked, gun-totin' sons of bitches in Lubbock, who took ever' chance they could get to whup your skinny Commie ass. Can't blame you. Maybe you wanted to learn, but you eschew the country (and Western) philosophy that says if you can't dance, you can't play. Well, you're in Austin now, where Don Walser and the Pure Texas Band can book a gig at Emo's as easily as at the Broken Spoke. And besides, women dig it.

Look, it's simple, really. Grab her waist with your right hand, hold her other hand up high, slide two steps forward with the left, shift back one with the right, and steer. No bouncing. Got it?

Okay, there's a lot more to it than that - if it was that boring, even the boys in Lubbock would have given it up for cat-flinging contests. If you want to learn more, you can go back to Lubbock on weekends, or you can go down to the Black Cat on Sixth Street on Thursday nights at 9:30pm and get lessons at Matt & Susy's two-step and swing dance party. It only costs $5, and afterwards, you get to practice what you've learned to Dale Watson, starting at 10:30pm. Instructors Matt Jones, Susy Hovis, Peter Turner, and Darby O'Sheiles will give you all the help you need. And they won't kick your ass. - Louisa C. Brinsmade

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