The Blanton Museum of Art
"...They’re a plague on our cinematic landscape, a national shame, a danger to our culture, a typhoon-sized natural disaster disguised as a filmmaking team, a Hollywood monster wreaking havoc on the minds of America’s youth and setting civilization back thousands of years. This is exactly why they’re so successful: The brains behind such intellectual vacuums as Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie, and Date Movie and contributors on all four – four! – Scary Movies are just smart enough to take advantage of one of the great immutable truths about the American public: If you never stop assuming the worst about us, we’ll never stop giving you our money..."
"...Starring: Andy Richter, Natasha Lyonne, David Cross, Chris Elliott, Tori Spelling, Tim Curry, James Wood, Kathleen Robertson, Marlon Wayans and Shawn Wayans. Before Scary Movie 2 is through, Chris Elliott dry-humps a turkey, David Cross fellates himself, and James Woods vomits projectilely and repeatedly..."
"...Happiness is a warm feature-length animated cartoon called The Peanuts Movie, a loving tribute to the beloved comic strip that graced the funny pages for half a century, continuing in reruns today. For those who faithfully read the syndicated strip each day (it ran in over 2,600 newspapers at its peak), the movie will comfort like a blue security blanket, bringing back wonderful memories of that lovable loser, Charlie Brown, and his gang, including Lucy, Linus, Sally, Peppermint Patty, Marcie, Woodstock, and (of course) Snoopy, the Walter Mitty of beagles..."
"...Smith. In his first major film venture and his largest-scale project since the conclusion of his watershed TV show in 1998, Seinfeld has made an animated movie that's only little more than "about nothing." Granted, his TV show remains such an indelible cultural landmark that no matter what Seinfeld chose to undertake as his next move, the comedian was always going to find himself in the position of being a tough act to follow..."
"...Chambers, Crispin Glover, Carmen Electra, Fred Willard and David Carradine. What would you call a movie that traffics entirely in bathroom humor, low-grade sadism, puerile sexuality, tin-eared parody, and insignificant pop-culture references with a shelf life of approximately three weeks? Well, as of this past Monday, you can call it the No..."
"...Directed by: Kunihiko Yuyama and Michael Haigney. There is a new definition of the term, “critic-proof movie,” and it goes by the name Pokémon: The First Movie..."
"...Or maybe not. Despite a few funny moments, and some richly colored and fluid animation, The Rugrats Movie simply cannot sustain the frenetic charm and imagination of the shorter TV segments..."
"...Everything is Batman in this boisterously entertaining cousin of the awesome The LEGO Movie, which snuck under the radar three years ago to become a cultural phenomenon. Channeling D.C..."
"...Starring: Alan Van Sprang, Kevin Pollak, Donal Logue, Kevin Corrigan, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Janeane Garofalo and Vincent D'Onofrio. If nothing else, Steal This Movie! provides an invaluable service in educating a new generation about the man, the myth, and the manic depression that was Abbie Hoffman..."
"...There's always been some tiny glimmer of possibility that's kept me rooted in my seat, squirming like a fresh lepidopterist's specimen, yes, but seated nonetheless. Scary Movie, however, takes the proverbial cake and jams it down your throat with enough semen and fart jokes to gag a maggot..."
"...Starring: Gary Cole, Shelley Long, Michael McKean and Jean Smart. The Brady Bunch Movie is retro-Seventies overload: color it harvest gold and avocado green..."
"...Let’s go out on a critical limb, shall we? The Lego Movie is the best thing to come along since that other toy-centric movie revolutionized animated films about 20 years ago. Smart and savvy, it takes the classic dilemma of every Lego owner – to follow the instructions or not to follow? – and constructs a wild-ride fantasy of colorful, interlocking plastic bricks only to deconstruct it in the most amazing way possible..."
"...The line between filmmaker and stuntman has never been murkier for Morgan Spurlock, the documentarian who famously took on McDonald’s and the issue of public health in Super Size Me. In The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, Spurlock investigates the economics of product placement in film and television by – surprise – turning his entire movie and his public persona into products that can be purchased by advertisers looking to cross-promote their wares with his..."
"...One of the breakout hits of South by Southwest Film Festival ’09, where it premiered, this documentary is just now emerging from the festival circuit and into a theatrical distribution run beginning with this Austin opening. The piece is a tribute to the 1992 film Troll 2 and its many fans, who have dubbed it the “best worst movie” ever made..."
"...Starring: Alyson Hannigan, Adam Campbell, Jennifer Coolidge, Tony Cox, Lil Jon, Fred Willard, Eddie Griffin and Carmen Electra. Boasting that your film features “two of the six writers of Scary Movie,” as this film’s marketing campaign does, is like bragging that you came in second in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest..."
"...Viewers who aren't familiar with this Japanese anime series (which is shown stateside on the Cartoon Network) will have little trouble jumping into the futuristic fray. This wild story about bounty hunters on Mars in the year 2071 is a mind-twisting ride, but so breathtaking is the movie's visual style and so entertaining its central characters that Cowboy Bebop: The Movie draws in newbies with practically the same ferocity as old-timers..."
"...True, there's no edge to Doug (his humor is corny, at best) but it's comforting and familiar. In Doug's 1st Movie, Doug and his gang get full-screen treatment, but with limited success..."
"...Starring: Richard Kind, Dana Hill, Charlotte Rae, Tony Jay, Henry Gibson and Anndi Mcaffee. You know when a movie bills Joe Barbera as its “Creative Consultant,” it is in big, big screen trouble..."
"...Kevin Burke remembers the print that led him to make 24x36: A Movie About Movie Posters. "It was There Will be Blood by Olly Moss..."
"...Here's the deal: They don't call it jackass for nothing. jackass the movie is, as the title would suggest, the feature-length rendering of jackass the MTV show, meaning no plot, no script, just wall-to-wall idiocy..."
"...Only the patter of little Velcro-fastened shoes at the cineplexes will know for sure. In the meantime, we have only the movie, not the fad and its multiformatted artifacts, in our crosshairs..."
"...It’s as if 8-year-olds (particularly boys) are genetically wired to find vaguely forbidden words like “butt” and “booger” and “fart” innately hilarious; they’re like Pavlov’s pups, tittering and giggling at the mere mention of certain bodily functions and parts without fail. The power of this vocabulary to elicit a smirky mirth in youngsters (and, sometimes, in their grownup versions) is sweetly celebrated in the genial animated feature Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie, which is based on the popular series of children’s novels by author and illustrator Dav Pilkey..."
"...But in this 90-minute movie, which runs twice the length of one of the Ab Fab episodes airing stateside since the mid-Nineties, this deliciously bad behavior is diminished by a silly plot in which a cash-strapped Edina finagles to boost her floundering PR firm by signing Kate Moss as a client at a happening fashion magazine event. With her typical lack of physical and social grace, she accidentally knocks the supermodel into the Thames (who’s presumed drowned) and finally becomes the celebrity (the wrong kind, of course) she’s always aspired to be, fleeing with Patsy to the south of France to begin a new life..."
"...Ostensibly, we already know the story of this documentary and the trajectory it will take. Zombie Girl: The Movie records the experiences of Austin resident Emily Hagins who, in 2005 at the age of 12, made her first feature film, a zombie picture titled Pathogen..."
"...Starring: Drake Bell, Leslie Nielsen, Sara Paxton, Christopher McDonald, Marion Ross, Kevin Hart, Brent Spiner and Jeffrey Tambor. Superhero Movie brings to mind a lot of questions..."
"...Starring: Anna Faris, Regina Hall, Craig Bierko, Simon Rex, Anthony Anderson, Leslie Nielsen and Cloris Leachman. Witnessing the malingering demise of a franchise can be an unnerving experience, but Scary Movie 4 is hardly scary, or, despite its premise, very humorous..."
"...Starring: Noah Danby, Mark Gollaher, Michael Flynn, Cragun Foulger, Jacque Gray, Bryce Chamberlain and Jan Broberg Felt. Where’s Steve Reeves when we really need him? Even in his present condition, the former Hercules could emote up a storm compared to The Book of Mormon Movie’s Noah Danby, who plays straight-shootin’ Mormon icon Nephi with all the finesse of a golem..."
"...Enough already. This third and, it is to be fervently hoped, last in the less-than-venerable horror-movie parody series fires the gags in such a bewildering fusillade of anything-for-a-laugh cheap shots that it's bound to leave viewers over the age of 15 with a headache 20 minutes in..."
"...Directed by: Francis Glebas. Disney’s timing in releasing Piglet’s Big Movie last Friday could not have been more serendipitous had it been National Hug a Pig for Peace Week..."
"...Special effects? Head for the fireworks stand.), what you might expect is what you get. For me, that low-tech, Fifties, camp charm wore a mite thin by the second half-hour, but then, I'm not the target audience, am I? The aforementioned four-year-old, on the other hand, is broadly proclaiming it the best movie he's ever seen in his life: “I love this movie..."
"...This is an expanded reprint of the Austin Chronicle review that ran in March 1995 when the film premiered in Austin at that year's SXSW Film Festival. ///// “Nebraska is a lot more than Aksarben spelled backwards,” intones its governor in one of the many guest spots in Dan Mirvish's first feature Omaha (the movie)..."
"...My friend and I are hoping you can help solve our longstanding argument about which snacks are acceptable to eat at the movies. I say you could stick to items that are similar to those sold in the concession stand, snack foods and candy only..."
"...The stop-motion animation may be retro and the storyline sentimental, but it’s those quaint throwback qualities that make Shaun the Sheep Movie one baaaaaadass movie. Uncompromising in its simplicity, the film refuses to follow the flock of flicks that cater to a generation owning smartphones and swallowing Ritalin before entering kindergarten..."
"...Viewers approaching Tim and Eric’s comedy for the first time will probably be baffled by their popularity and success. Their Billion Dollar Movie will not win new converts, and their stretched-out routines demonstrate the old saw about less sometimes being more...."
"...We love the Simpsons because they’re crass, ridiculous, and brilliant. And after years upon years of rumors, The Simpsons Movie finally has arrived..."
"...Directed by: Frank Nissen. We debated whether to bring our almost 3-year-old to this traditionally animated Disney featurette – it’s so wispy and slight, it’s hardly a movie, and was originally intended as a straight-to-video release..."
"...Directed by: Robert Ramirez. In my day, the outsized creatures that roamed the movies were irradiated tarantulas and grasshoppers terrorizing the populace with their craven bloodlust, byproducts of a natural order gone amok in the nuclear age..."
"...Starring: Randy Quaid, Lacey Chabert, Samm Levine, Cody Mcmains, Ron Lester, Eric Jungmann, Deon Richmond, Eric Christian Olsen, Mia Kirshner, Jaime Pressly, Chris Evans and Chyler Leigh. Hard on the heels of the teen-movie craze of 1999 arrives this tin-eared and often mean-spirited parody, which unites smart-alecky genre references with gross gags..."
"...Starring: Jason David Frank, Amy Jo Johnson, David Yost, Steve Cardenas, Johnny Yong Bosch, Karan Ashley and Paul Freeman. With absolutely as little time devoted to character or plot development as possible, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie may not be Battleship Potemkin, but it does deliver the cheesy sci-fi goods for fans of the colorful television show, even if it's not likely to win any new converts..."
"...The Fluffy Movie is mostly a comedy performance film, although it has a narrative introduction in flashback that shows the meeting of Gabriel Iglesias' parents, as well as his birth and childhood. Interestingly, part of this flashback framing device (shot by Jay Lavender) has the very young Iglesias fooling his mom into allowing him to rent Eddie Murphy’s Raw..."
"...If science and civilization has proven one thing, it's that people shouldn't talk during films. Especially if they're talking over people who are actually being paid to talk over movies..."
"...Tarzan and Arab, twin brothers from the Gaza Strip, aren't new to films. They're major movie buffs and aspiring filmmakers themselves, but they've never experienced the particular magic of watching a movie in a theatre..."
"...The big-screen adaptation of the Cartoon Network's flagship show -- featuring the adventures of a trio of pint-sized superheroines Blossom (Cavadini), Bubbles (Strong), and Buttercup (Daily), who have Charlie Brown heads and anime eyes -- is smart, sassy, silly fun, a pop-culture smorgasbord filtered through the lens of Fifties kitsch and set to a hipster beat that makes you want snap your fingers and beat up on the bad guys at the same time. Sugary light, The Powerpuff Girls movie takes the original show's winning grrrl power formula and tweaks it just enough to carry it to feature length..."
"...The voice of this generation can be summed up in one lousy little nonword: “meh.” It can be defined as “That doesn’t impress me,” or more to the point, “I don’t care.” Which is precisely how one might feel after seeing The Emoji Movie. Yes, it’s true that at some point, just about everybody became strangely obsessed with their smartphones..."
"...Movie 43, an omnibus of lazily connected comedy shorts, does not begin with its best foot forward. It does, however, lead below the belt, with Hugh Jackman playing a nice guy unfortunately saddled with a ball sac for an Adam’s apple..."
"...Directed by: Matt Maiellaro and Dave Willis. Count it as one of the great Hollywood mysteries – right up there with the death of Natalie Wood and the career of Vin Diesel – that we’ve had to wait this long for a movie starring a talking milkshake, a floating box of french fries, and a ball of ground beef..."
"...Starring: Steve Howey, Mike Vogel, Cameron Richardson, Sophia Bush, Aaron Carter, Channing Tatum, Robert Patrick and Robert Carradine. Part advertisement for Clear Channel’s Supercross broadcasts and part hellish miscalculation on the part of the producers, Supercross: The Movie fails to kick start anything other than the urge to giggle..."
"...We wanted the audience to see his feelings instead of just his antics.” He's talking about Goofy, Mickey Mouse's pal. The movie appears to have forgotten that; instead, it is an adolescent angst drama about his son Max's ambivalent feelings about having Goofy as a dad..."
"...The pastel prancers in My Little Pony: The Movie strut like 10-year-old schoolgirls, their blow-dried manes and hind-quarter appliques signifying an old-school femininity at quaint odds with other animated grrrl-power heroines today. Unless you’re already a pegasister or a brony, these fillies are an acquired taste..."
"...No dice. Instead, Theroux decides to cast and shoot his own “Scientology movie,” literally, right down to casting a faux Tom Cruise and one young acting hopeful as David Miscavige, the acting head of Scientology since the death of founder and schlock sci-fi author L..."