The Austin Chronicle

So Many Are Deluded

RECEIVED Sun., March 9, 2014

Dear Editor,
    SXSW has become quite a financial windfall for Austin, as the city annually banks on the dreams of thousands of deluded musicians who fall for the myth of unlimited employment opportunities in rock & roll, as perpetuated by the "live music capital" propaganda that gets constantly spread around the globe like some unchecked STD.
    No doubt it's fun for the tourists; in fact I'm renting out some tents in my backyard to a bunch of rich honkies from Germany. I told 'em that's how we live down here in Texas, and they, too, have fallen into that Lone Star bucket o' shit. Everybody on my street has some kind of scam going on that involves making money off outlanders, so thanks for that, at least.
    But the poor musicians – did you know a lot of 'em never leave? They stay here playing the same six chords in the three keys they know, hoping for millions of dollars and sex in their pants from total strangers who love their songs – and most importantly, no day job.
    Right. So maybe it's time for some distinction, because things have gotten too big for anyone to pretend it hasn't become just another bloated American institution.
    That suicide-prevention program for musicians, what was it called? HAMM? That could be a great handle for advertising to all those dim-witted wannabes; just keep baiting and switching the facts until their heads pop and they want to hurt themselves. And don't forget, dead musicians keep making money in the form of royalties, and the Chronicle would be in possession of all those musical entries. The "died too young" sentiment goes a long way in the music biz, so money can be made either way, medically or otherwise.
    Yes, yes, I know, you're welcome. And by the way, I have a band that …
Thomas Bowman

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