Make Drugs Mandatory!

RECEIVED Tue., July 12, 2011

Dear Editor,
    If we really want to get drugs out of schools, simply make them mandatory. Begin in elementary school with joints; in junior high add alcohol; and get high schoolers on cocaine, crack, and heroin. Then college can concentrate on methamphetamine because that's when one needs the extra energy and attention span and the power to grind toward graduate school and then onward to the professions. But, no drugs, no degree!
    Some recently overheard exchanges from parents and students at home on school nights: "Johnny, have you done your joints tonight?" "Oooh, do I have to?!" "Yes, now you know you want to graduate, and you can't graduate if you don't do your homework." "Eeew, I hate joints; I hate homework. Joints make me sleepy all the time! I can't wait till I graduate so I don't have to do dopey homework anymore!"
    And at school in the hallways Johnny begs his friend: "Please do my joints, please, I'll give you a dollar for each one you do for me, please! And I've got four lines of coke to do by tomorrow, will you please help me? Do them for me and I'll give you anything! Tickets to a Jonas Brothers concert! Anything, please! Please."
    I bet there would be no drug use in school after one semester if they were mandatory!
Jim Franklin
One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

Updates for SXSW 2019

All questions answered (satisfaction not guaranteed)

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle