Ease Back on Gum Smacking

RECEIVED Mon., May 19, 2008

Dear Editor,
    I can't take it anymore! For some unknown reason, our society has this huge problem. People are smacking their gum. I seem to encounter it everywhere. In the line at the supermarket, on the bus, even in restaurants. Let me give you poorly raised heathens a bit of advice: All Chewing is meant to be nearly silent. If you feel the need to chew on an artificially flavored lump of rubber, please realize that no one else wants to know about it. I have sat by quietly about this for long enough. So, be warned! If I see you, or if I actually hear you doing this in public, I will let you know about it. And trust me, it will be embarrassing.
Steven McCloud
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