Cars, Cars, Cars

Dear Editor,
    Regarding whether or not Austin is "safe for cycling," I have to admit it's not like it used to be.
    In fact … everyone reading this letter should start driving cars exclusively. Do not walk; do not take the bus; just drive, drive, drive. Because we all know that driving is the safest and most efficient possible mode of transportation – especially when the roads are clogged to the point of stasis. No movement means no accidents!
    Man … we'll all be so safe; utopia, finally, here in Central Texas.
    I'll be walking or biking around the parked hulks, offering to squeegee your view of the bumper sticker in front of you: "My other car is also destroying my children's future."