How to Assemble Your Armed White Male Mask
The new face of terror, no ammo necessary
News flash: White guys are shooting way too many people way too often. According to statistics compiled by Mother Jones, which has kept a database on mass shootings dating back to 1982, that specific subset of Americans has been responsible for 54% of the country's mass shootings over that time period. We're not lobbying for more types of people to shoot more people, but come on, white guys! Do something to bring your contribution to the cumulative tally down. (Like, stop shooting people.)
Following this month's massacre in Las Vegas, in which 64-year-old Stephen Paddock unloaded a litany of guns on a festival crowd, killing 59 and injuring over 500 others, we could think of no image more representative of horror this Halloween season than the angry eyes of an armed white male peering at you through a gun's scope. Here's how you can be that guy.
1) Typically we recommend extracting the mask from the rest of this issue's cover with a knife or scissors, but I suppose there's no opportunity like the present to pull out your standard semi-automatic firearm and unload a few rounds along the dotted lines. Make sure to mind the scope. If you want to add your own bump stock, keep a little red space on the edge of the assault rifle and fill it in with a thick black Sharpie.
2) You need to put two holes inside the ears. Another good time to use your gun!
3) Take a piece of twine and tie it through the two new holes. Pull it tight so your man's brow stretches out real tense. That makes him look angry, and we want angry.
4) Tie that twine around your own head and you're all set with this year's costume. Remember, the gun is already part of the mask's presentation. You don't need to leave the house with your own. Please, please, don't leave the house with your own.
The Austin Chronicle Halloween Cover Mask is an annual tradition. See our gallery of covers going back to 1999.