The Austin Chronicle

https://www.austinchronicle.com/features/2000-02-04/75749/

The Mission Statement of Addison DeWitt

By Stephen MacMillan Moser, February 4, 2000, Features

1. I reserve the right to SHIVER constantly.

2. I reserve the right to look WORRIED all the time.

3. I reserve the right to HOP in circles.

4. I reserve the right to retain my SUNROOF.

5. I reserve the right to sound like a CHICKEN when I bark.

6. I reserve the right to express myself through PRANCING.

7. I reserve the right to become POSSESSED and have SEIZURES.

8. I reserve the right to URINATE on your bed.

9. I reserve the right to have Miss Caswell BITE my weenie.

10. I reserve the right to be treated like an INFERIOR because I AM the runt.

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