Yum2K Recipes for One

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Year 2000 Party Pizzas

What you'll need:

One (1) box of Ritz Crackers (preferably the limited-edition snowflake-shaped Holiday Ritz in specially marked boxes)

One (1) pack of Hormel sliced pepperoni

One (1) 8 oz. can of Nabisco brand Easy Cheese pasteurized process cheese spread -- comes in a variety of flavors; for this recipe, we recommend American, but if you get a wild hair, you might try Nacho, Cheddar, Sharp Cheddar, or their zesty Cheddar 'n' Bacon

One (1) packet of festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail plates

One (1) packet of festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail napkins

€ Set one festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail plate and one festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail napkin next to each other (not atop one another).

€ Open package of Ritz crackers to reveal individually wrapped wax paper tubes of crackers. Open only one of the wax paper tubes (to keep the remaining snacks fresh for future hullabaloos) and gently slide out 10-15 crackers. Be careful not to break crackers. If you encounter a broken cracker, replace with an undamaged cracker. Arrange crackers artfully on festive plate.

€ Open your can of Nabisco cheese spread.

€ Open package of Hormel pepperoni (you will need a knife to slice open the vacuum-sealed inner plastic pack).

€ Take can of cheese spread and place one small, pea-sized dollop of spread on each cracker (this is a very important step).

€ Take out your pepperoni.

€ Place one slice of pepperoni atop each pea-sized dollop.

€ Smoosh each individual slice of pepperoni into each cheese dollop to steady it on the cracker. Take care not to smoosh too vigorously; cracker may break. If you break the crackers, go back to second step and start over.

€ Take your can of cheese spread and write festive greetings on each cracker. We have found that entire messages on individual crackers are difficult to read. You may wish to do as we did and limit your design to one letter, number, or character per cracker. For example: to create the word "2000" write a "2" on one pepperoni, and a "0" on each of three pepperonis. You will see here why that pea-sized anchor dollop was crucial!

€ Use festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail napkin to wipe pepperoni grease off of your fingers.

€ Tuck the napkin into your collar.

€ Eat! Yum!

€ Still hungry? Start over! It's your party! You can gorge if you want to!

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Year 2000 Party Cream-Filled Sponge Cakes

What you'll need:

One (1) specially marked Limited Millennium Edition box of Hostess Twinkies

One (1) 8 oz. can of Nabisco brand Easy Cheese pasteurized process cheese spread -- comes in a variety of flavors; for this recipe, we recommend American, but if you get a wild hair, you might try Nacho, Cheddar, Sharp Cheddar, or their zesty Cheddar 'n' Bacon

Use the rest of those festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail plates and napkins from your recipe above

€ Set out one festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail plate and one festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail napkin next to each other (not atop one another).

€ Open package of Hostess Twinkies to reveal individually wrapped sponge cakes. Open only as many as you intend to eat, or a few extra for surprise visitors (a fella can dream, can't he?)

€ Open your can of Nabisco cheese spread.

€ Take your can of cheese spread and write festive greetings on each Twinkie. We have found that Twinkies can accommodate short messages (for example: the word "2000"), but longer ones are difficult to read. Go crazy with the squiggles and geometric patterns! Create modern abstract art!

€ Use festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail napkin to wipe cream filling and excess canned cheese off of your fingers.

€ Tuck the napkin into your collar.

€ Eat! Yum!

€ Still hungry? Start over! It's your party! You can gorge if you want to!

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Year 2000-Themed Special Limited Edition Foods

Some suggestions:

One (1) specially marked Limited Millennium Edition box of confetti-colored M&M candies (available in peanut and plain varieties)

Cans of specially marked Limited Millennium Edition cans of Spaghetti-Os with certain noodles in the shape of the number two, thereby creating a Year 2000 effect

One (1) specially marked Limited Millennium Edition box of Millenios sugar-frosted Cheerio-brand Oat Os with certain cereal bits in the shape of the number two, thereby creating a Year 2000 effect

Festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail plates and napkins

€ Open packages and eat!

€ Try varieties of combinations!

€ Use festive and colorful Year 2000-themed paper cocktail napkin to wipe crumbs and smudges off of your fingers.

€ Tuck the napkin into your collar.

€ Eat! Yum!

€ Still hungry? Start over! It's your party! You can gorge if you want to!

Wash it all down with the special millennium three-pack splits of Freizenet brand champagne (available in Brut, Cordon Negro, and Extra Dry varieties). You aren't driving, nobody's looking. Go nuts. Bon appetit!