You're home alone, it's New Year's Eve, and what to watch? Screw the ball dropping, this is time for some serious drinking and in-depth personal rumination. A year has died, a new year is being born --
Here are our 10 films for New Year's Eve.
1. THE GODFATHER
D: Francis Ford Coppola (1972); with Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Diane Keaton, Talia Shire, Robert Duvall.
Here it is, family, tradition, religion, and celebration all perversely realized and morally compromised. Any happy endings here are revealed to be the dark jokes they really are in this miserable world.
2. POLICE ACADEMY
D: Hugh Wilson (1984); with Steve Guttenberg, G.W.Bailey, George Gaynes, Kim Cattrall, Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Bruce Mahler.
3. POLICE ACADEMY 2: THEIR FIRST ASSIGNMENT
D: Jerry Paris (1985); with David Graf, Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, Bruce Mahler.
4. POLICE ACADEMY 3: BACK IN TRAINING
D: Jerry Paris (1986) with Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, David Graf, Michael Winslow.
5. POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL
D: Jim Drake (1987); with Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, David Graf.
6. POLICE ACADEMY 5: ASSIGNMENT MIAMI BEACH
D: Alan Myerson (1988); with G.W.Bailey, George Gaynes, Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Robert DeNiro.
7. POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SIEGE
D: Peter Bonerz (1989); with Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, David Graf.
No matter how drunk or incapacitated you get, these films will continue to make as much sense as they do stone cold sober. By the last few in the series, you can be comatose, with both sound and picture off, and simply by the tapes whirring, understand what is going on. These are perfect narrative gems for long twisted hours of drinking. Recommended as a series.
8. BAD GIRLS
Some porno that Michael Hogan left at my apartment in 1985. Face it, if it is New Year's Eve, and you're home, you're alone, and you're watching porno, you want to be so blasted that a tape of purple Barney dancing around would have just about the same amount of erotic stimulation. To focus is to see, and given the circumstances, that would be a shame.
Copyright © 2021 Austin Chronicle Corporation. All rights reserved.