The Austin Chronicle

Ten Ways to Entertain Yourself Home Alone on New Year's Eve

December 31, 1999, Features

1. Suck nitrous out of whipped cream cans and yell, "Happpp Peeeee Newwwww Yeeeeeeeear!" until you faint.

2. Find mates for all your single socks. Fail to see the irony.

3. Ponder the psychedelic maze of your PC's automatic screensaver. Cheer wildly when you see the rat. (For Mac users: Stare at your 3-D Screensaver. Cheer wildly when you detect the row of dolphins.)

4. Using hand-puppets, re-enact pivotal scenes from the movie The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. (see "Waiting for Sockot" p.32)

5. Follow your dog around the house, mimicking its every move. When it complains, follow the cat.

6. Ignite your own flatulence, or make "mouth torches" with a Bic lighter and a party bottle of 151. (Do this outside and in the presence of grownups.)

7. Figure out just which six people stand between you and Kevin Bacon.

8. Make prank calls, but don't be disappointed to learn that no one else will be home, and if they are, they will probably welcome the company.

9. Forget the advice of those pesky Gloomy Guses, and test all of your utilities at midnight: Pick up the phone, flush the toilet, and turn on every light in the house. It's your right as a taxpaying American.

10. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Examples?

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