The signs said rain or shine, so even record-breaking cold couldn't stop the athletes at this weekend's Spamarama at Waterloo Park from impressing the crowds with their canned-meat cramming skills. Brent Ricord retained his Spam speed-eating title from last year, beating out the father-and-son team of Dan and Dylan Wyrick. Onlookers put Ricord's success down to his technique of standing, rather than sitting; a gnawing-jaw action; and regular sluicing-down with sips of bottled water.

In other events, the winner of the People's Choice Spam recipe award went to the Velvet Hog Wedding Cake. The six-tier, red-satin cake with vanilla frosting (and just a hint of Spam) beat out strong competition from Spam Sushi, Dead Man's Spam Thai Curry, and Spam Wellington With Deep-Fried Spam Chips.

Of all the Hostess snacks – Twinkies, CupCakes, Chocodiles, Ding Dongs, HoHos, SuzieQ's, Donettes, Mini Muffins, Fruit Pies, Pudding Pies, and Leopards – arguably the most unappealing, not to say vile, of these processed cakes are the Sno Balls. Packaged in pairs, the chocolate sponge cakes are covered with pasty, marshmallow frosting and then rolled in coconut flakes. Usually white, they also come in pink, green, and other colors, depending on the holiday. In March they tend to be green, for obvious reasons. Mmmm … doesn't that make you want to just cram one of those puffy cakes in your mouth? Or four … or seven?

For about six years, The Austin Chronicle has hosted annual Sno Ball Chipmunking contests, usually one or two weeks following South by Southwest. During the annual Music, Film, and Interactive festivals, the Chronicle mans a table at the Austin Convention Center and hands out free HoHos and Sno Balls, along with Chronicles and such. Decidedly less popular than the HoHos, Sno Balls generally are left in hefty surplus when the Festival is over. Therefore, two weeks later, the Chronicle and South by Southwest staffs come together to be tickled and affronted by those crass enough to participate in Sno Ball carnage.

For those of you who think that cricket is something the genteel English do on a Saturday afternoon instead of playing a real sport, think again. Bob Woolmer, the British-born coach of the Pakistani international cricket squad, was found unconscious last week in his hotel room and died soon after. Now an autopsy has found he was probably strangled to death, and it may all be tied up with match-fixing.

The Daily Show's resident expert John "I'm a PC" Hodgman weighs in on sports doping with the Human Growth Hormone: "We wouldn't want to trivialize a man hitting a ball over a fence with a stick."

OK Chuck, I can take a hint. It really seemed like we hit it off when I interviewed you last week. You even said you’d see me at the WCL Championship Saturday. But when I got there, where were you? About 20 rows ahead, that’s where, sitting next to Wynonna Judd. I spent last week daydreaming about the laughs and adventures we’d share after we met and you instantly pronounced me your new sidekick.

Instead I got stuck with a far-off view of your majestic mullet and a seat next to my non-black-belt wife. (BFD – Guess how many times she’s fought Bruce Lee.) But in the interest of the Score’s WCL coverage and my countless readers (Hi, Mom and Dad!) I’ll try to put my shattered dreams aside and focus on the championship fight.

The big news here is the much-coveted Norris Cup will stay here in Texas where it belongs after the Houston Enforcers managed to beat the Miami Force for the first-ever WCL title. While not every fight lived up to the promise of “full-throttle action” – some fights were less than a minute long and many others ended with both fighters conscious – the match was exciting, and the score stayed close.

When Chuck Norris’ name is attached to something, you can bet on one thing: Somebody’s getting kicked in the face. That’s practically the Chuck Norris guarantee. And so it is with his latest creation, the World Combat League, though Norris is personally giving everybody’s face a rest this time. He’s taken a behind-the-scenes role in this new form of competitive martial arts. As the face and founder of the league he won’t be going Walker Texas Ranger on anybody’s ass, but he’ll be cutting checks to the fighters who do.

“They get paid, they get a salary,” Norris said. “But if they knock a guy out with a kick, they get a bonus. With a knee they get a bonus, with a punch they get a bonus, but those are a lower bonus.”

That’s right, he’s paying people to beat the crap out of one another. Why didn’t the NHL think of this?

Chuck Norris' WCL will be returing to the Frank Erwin Center on January 20, 8pm for their Inaugural Season National Championship. The four teams set to compete are the Miami Force vs. the Houston Enforcers and the Philadelphia Fire vs. the Los Angeles Stars. In the WCL the fighters are rewarded for punching, kicking, and kneeing, but are penalized for stalling and passivity. Here's what Mr. Norris has to say, “Our goal with the WCL is to bring together the world’s most skilled martial arts experts by region and to provide sports fans with an unmatched level of fighting action in every second of each round of every team contest.” Tickets are currently on sale and cost $25, $35, $100, and $150 (limited number of floor seats available), and can be purchased at all Texas Box Office Outlets. Charge by phone at 477-6060 or 800/982-2386 or order online at TexasBoxOffice.com.

Greg Clark is a botanist in the biology department at UT. He transacts most of his business wearing shorts and sandals and enjoys playing music before his lectures to help each class begin positively.
   Greg shares a home with his wife, Monica, an educator for AISD, and their 8-year-old daughter, Isabel, a burgeoning artist with a bedroom that can be accurately described as fairly princess-y. The yard of their Hyde Park home is filled with the plants Greg loves, and until a recent remodeling, a person could sit on the Clarks’ toilet and pass the time by reading Greg’s PhD, which hung on the wall nearby.
   During this same remodeling, Greg had to reconsider other of his decorating philosophies, including what to do with the discs covering a great deal of wall space in the Clark home. Each disc featured a picture or logo or the name and dates of a tournament, and collectively they represented a historical record in molded, round plastic of Greg’s years spent playing Ultimate.

The last time I played kickball was in Brooklyn, N.Y., as part of a friend’s pre-wedding bonding; only to find out that kickball had come in vogue. What else can a hipster do with all those headbands and gym shorts that are no longer acceptable in the clubs? Exercise? Hardly. If you break a sweat during regulation kickball, you’re probably doing something very wrong. The only slightly more popular sloshball combines the childhood pastime of kickball with the somewhat more adult pastime of binge drinking. However, kickball plus an inability to pass second base without chugging a beer can often equal a stumbling face-plant into a metal pole serving as a backstop. Or, so I’m told. Taking a few of the rules of kickball and adding in a dash of the anarchy of sloshball is Mojo Kickball. An Austin original, the rules of Mojo are both simple enough to jump right in and complicated enough to merit blog entries concerning the finer points of baserunning. I’ll spare you the details and just say that there are six balls and lots of team communication (read “shouted, cross-field advice”). Almost everyone plays at all times, and assuming there are ample players, you can run yourself silly or take it a little easier. The next game is on Oct. 22, at 3pm at Krieg softball field No. 5. Drinks and snacks are provided, but to offset the field’s reservation fee the Mojo Kickball gods ask that you bring a dollar. And, honestly is that so much when, in return, you can call your friends in Brooklyn and tell them how the cool kids play kickball. Check out www.mojokickball.com for rules, strategies, pictures, and, for some reason, a Mojo Kickball Dating Service. Yeah, it’s that fun.