Texies Twice as Nice

Texecutioners take first slot in WFTDA championship bout

Texies Twice as Nice
Photo by Richard Whittaker

"Two down," Hydra said, "One to go." The ex-skater after whom the Women's Flat Track Derby Association national championship is named was talking Texecutioner.

After polishing off the Boston Massacre this morning, the Texies just moved into the finals at the Declaration of Derby by leveling the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls. This is their first trip to the main event since taking the inaugural title in 2006, but Rocky Mountain weren't there to make it easy for them.

The day was already running late (a bunch of time outs and a heavy bout schedule just don't mix) when they took to the line.Just like the morning bout, the Texies couldn't lead at first whistle and instead #27 DeRanged put three points up for Denver. Then there was a healthy dose of confusion: First a ref and a skater ended up in the crowd, then the scoreboard had to be rebooted. When everything was sorted, Texas was leading 9-8, which Bloody Mary quickly turned into 23-20 with a brace of grand slams.

That's when life got tough. Rocky Mountain turned defensive, blocking the Texas jammers off the line, and for a moment it looked like this was going to become a slow-moving, ground-and-pound style bout. Rice Rocket quick-stepped through the pack for 18 points and a 41-16 lead, but then DeRanged actually had Morphine skating back into the pack. Normally, it's the jammer lapping the blockers, but she moved so slow that the pack caught up, leaving Morphine in the mix and the crowd baffled.

Rocky Mountain gave Texas a brief scare as they made up 20 point with Cat Tastrophe in the penalty box, creeping to 56-46, but Rice quickly reversed that fortune, racking up three grand slams and opening up the lead to seemingly unassailable levels. Bloody Mary closed the first period out at 76-49, but more importantly, it just seemed like Texas had Rocky Mountain's number. Cheap Trixie and Bullet Tooth Tracy proved again that they can be the most dominating front line in the sport, while Vicious Van Go Go stayed lean and mean, hammering the jammers and anyone within reach hard. Every trick Rocky Mountain threw, from slow starts to backwards skating, the Texies threw back at them with a grin and a laugh. Sadly DeRanged, who had started so promisingly, ended up ejected for an illegal head shove/punch on The Angie-Christ and won't be able to play in tomorrow's third place play-off. Not the way anyone wanted to see her leave this tournament.

But it was all over by then for this semi. Final score 139-82, and the Texies head to Sunday's championship bout, 3pm central. They'll be facing the winner of Saturday's final bout between the Oly Rollers from Washington state and Denver Roller Dolls. Hit the Jackalope for the watch party, or catch the boutcast at Derby News Network

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WFTDA, Texecutioners, Decleration of Derby

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