Big 12 Power Rankings: Week 4 … or Is It 5?

Whatever the case, I'm already lost in the madness of it all, my mind awash in vicious hits, swine flu scares, and penalty flags. My nights have become my days and I've nearly lost an entire week as I no longer live on White Man's Time.

After a lengthy consultation with noted life coach and co-ed recreational league softball manager John Wesley Williams, though, it has been determined that I now live on "TBA Time," which is football code for Kickoff Time.

And yes, it is completely different from both "Tulsa Time" and "Morris Day & the Time."

I once had a math teacher tell me live your life by equations and it will add up to Zero. That's heavy stuff, especially for numbers folk to throw at a junior high lad. It probably also explains my radical disdain for the workings of higher mathematics. Which in turn probably spells doom for my second career as a professional gambler. What would have been really eye-opening is if that teacher had told me live your life by kickoff times and you'll go bat-shit crazy. Your eyes will turn yellow, your teeth will fall out, your blood will be tainted, and you will never recover. You may as well develop a heroin habit. That, at least, will never let you down, at least not that way, and it may even be less expensive in the long run.

A serious football habit is hard to break, sure. And it will reduce you to a babbling idiot several times a season, like clockwork. Tick, tick, tick …. What in hell is that?! Oh … just the countdown until kickoff! God be praised, it's gameday! You will lose friends and sleep and possibly even the capacity to think rationally, as opposed to thinking like a deranged banshee woman or a coach facing a third-and-long late in the fourth quarter.

It's Big Medicine, and we keep coming back for more, like all good junkies do.

If you don't believe me, just look at all the poor fools who really believed things in this country would be different just because Obama used cute phrases like "hope" and "yes we can" in his bid for the White House. These suckers bought into it wholeheartedly and are now in line for a letdown the magnitude of which can probably only be understood by Oklahoma State fans, who were told much the same thing about their football team.

Drink the Kool-Aid, kids. And come back for more if and when your cup be empty.

Now, on to the rankings...

1) Texas [4-0; 1-0]: Complete thrashing of UTEP, in every phase of the game. Mack Brown seemed happy after the game. We like seeing Happy Mack. Sad Mack is so … sad.

2) Oklahoma [3-1; 0-0]: Big game against Miami this week for the man once known as "Big Game Bob," Bob Stoops. Big Game Bob, of course, has been "Big Game Bust" for, oh, say the Sooners' last 5 big (read BCS) games.

3) Missouri [4-0; 0-0]: It's always good to get a Thursday night road win, which is exactly what the Tigers did at Nevada. Blaine Gabbert and Danario Alexander are emerging as a dangerous deep threat combo.

4) Kansas [4-0; 0-0]: The Jayhawks held on against a Southern Mississippi squad that has a nasty habit of giving favorites all they can handle. Lucky for Kansas the game was at home; they would not have won in Hattiesburg.

5) Oklahoma State [3-1; 0-0]: Great time for a bye week for the Pokes. Dez Bryant, Kendall Hunter, and Perrish Cox are all nursing injuries, and oSu is set to open league play in College Station, where the co-eds will be swaying and kissing and yelling at people to "stay off the grass," whatever that means.

6) Nebraska [3-1; 0-0]: A nice way to bounce back from a tough loss, like the 'Huskers had at Virginia Tech, is to play Louisiana-Lafayette. NU scored on its first five possessions and the defense forced three turnovers. Pivotal early season showdown at Missouri next week.

7) Texas Tech [2-2; 0-1]: The Red Raiders found out, just as Okie State did two weeks ago, that Houston is pretty darn good. Tech had success running the ball, and the defense did its best before withering against the Houston humidity and the Cougar offensive onslaught that featured 94 plays from scrimmage.

8) Texas A&M [3-0; 0-0]: Although undefeated, the Aggies find themselves with something to prove this weekend in Arlington against Arkansas in a game being played at Jerry World – or Cowboys Stadium as it is otherwise known. A&M owns wins over New Mexico, Utah State, and UAB, teams with a combined record of 2-9.

9) Iowa State [3-1; 0-0]: The Cyclones have very quietly gotten off to a great start under first-year coach Paul Rhoads. How great? It's the best start for Iowa State since 1931, when the Cyclones began the season 5-1.

10) Baylor [3-1; 0-0]: Mick Jagger said it best: It's all over now. The Bears dreams of their first bowl game since 1984 have most likely been shredded along with Robert Griffin's knee.

11) Kansas State [3-1; 0-0]: Brandon Banks returned two kickoffs for touchdowns against Tennessee Tech. Pretty impressive feat, sure. More impressive will be seeing if the Wildcats can avoid the Big 12 North cellar. First test: "Farmageddon" against Iowa State this weekend at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City.

12) Colorado [1-2; 0-0]: The Buffs had a week off to get ready for West Virginia, which comes calling in Boulder this weekend. Time to see if Dan Hawkins can save his job.