Bob Stoops Is on Line 3! Mack Brown Is on Hold …

Joe O'Connell has an (imaginary) talk with OU's Bob Stoops

Mack Brown
Mack Brown (Photo courtesy of UT)

Joe, my man! Bob Stoops here. But you can call me Coach, my scribbling wordsmith. So here we are again. The big week. Tell me, is Mack Brown shaking? Has he got that little nervous smirk on? Heck, Joe, I'm sitting on top of the world here at No. 1. How do I do it? Pure Oprah, buddy. Positive visualization. The Law of Attraction. The Secret. That New Agey crap. But it works! I visualize my Sooners beating your Horns by 20. Pow! It happens. Thank you, Oprah.

Don't get me wrong. I watched the tape of UT walloping Colorado 38-14. It wasn't even close. Hey, Mack, where'd you find that pass defense? A goal-line stand. Outstanding. I like what I see from this Roy Miller kid. He's a hustling madman. Eight tackles. Recovered a fumble. I've got my eyes on him. I like what Ryan Palmer is doing, too. Heck, Mack scored one by snagging Will Muschamp to coach these lunkheads. He's crazy, and I like crazy. What's that he said? "Stats are for losers. I like winning games." You rock, Coach! Of course the biggest stat of all is the final score. The Horns are up-and-comers. Maybe next year will be their year. They need to think positively about the future. The present is all Big Red. I can see it. And we've found our defense, too.

To be honest, Joe, I'm worried. Mack almost beat me last year. If it weren't for our long forgotten pal Jamaal Charles and his butterfingers, Mack might've had me. OK, it was a fluke! But of flukes trends are made. You know what scared me in that UT-Colorado game? The men in orange played all-out from the get-go. Can't say we've seen that in a while. I'll nail it down to one play: Chykie Brown swatting down that pass to end the Buff's drive in the opening stanza. Great name. Great play. So Texas has a pass defense all of sudden. My QB Sam Bradford is going the test the heck out of them come Saturday. And, Joe, My Thoughts Have Magnetic Power. I learned that from Oprah.

Here's the funny thing, Joe: This matchup ain't a whole lot different than last year's. We don't have squat for a running game, and Texas' best ball carrier, Chris Ogbonnaya (how the heck do you pronounce that?) is catching more balls than running them. Vondrell McGee? He hasn't found his feet yet, but he's trying. I like that Fozzy Whittaker dude, but he's as banged-up as my DeMarco Murray and his metal kneecap. Face it, this is all about the QBs. I like Colt McCoy. He's a machine and getting better every day, but I am visualizing my boy Sam winning a Heisman. I'm trying to suppress my negative thoughts about Texas here, Joe!

Good game against the Buffs, but is that really saying a lot? Has Texas really played anyone good enough for them to rate being ranked No. 5? UTEP? Rice? Arkansas? Sounds like a bad comedy trio or a fine schedule from the past. OK, we topped TCU and Cincinnati. Big deal. The season starts this Saturday, bubba. I'm trying to think positively, but I'm worried, Joe. Colt has that look in his eye. Just don't have him run too many bootlegs. I'm visualizing my boys breaking him in half.

See you Saturday. Think positively.

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