Kitty at Her Foot, and She Wants to Touch It

Sunday, Feb. 17, three days after Valentine's Day, the Austin Convention Center's Exhibition Hall 5 was a sea of red and pink. In the first official Texas Roller Derby Lonestar Rollergirls bout of the year, the Rhinestone Cowgirls faced off with the Hellcats. The Cowgirls, wearing red-and-white gingham shirts combined with pleated jean skirts, or some variation of a sexy cowgirl outfit, skated around the banked track, being individually introduced to the crowd to the tune of the Presidents of the United States of America's "Kitty": "Kitty rear up and scratch me through my jeans/Fuck you kitty you're gonna spend the night/Fuck you kitty you're gonna spend the night/Fuck you kitty you're gonna spend the night/Outside!"

The Hellcats, dressed in short, pink-leopard-print outfits and hot-pink fishnets, did not seem so convinced. And rightly so, for they ended up creaming the Rhinestone Cowgirls 70 to 37.

It occurred to me that perhaps these lovely ladies saw a lot more action on Valentine's Day than I did – they skated a little bit slow on this evening. Random fights between skaters on opposing teams were minimized on this night, and one knock to the ground sent Rollergirls hobbling in pain back to the center of the track.

But there were exciting jams. The most popular pairings Sunday night were Rhinestone Cowgirl Kate Gory vs. Hellcat Dixie Sanchez and, even more frequently, Rhinestone Cowgirl Truckstop Trixie vs. Hellcat Curly Suicide. Cowgirls Miss Canada and Rollergazm each scored a four-pointer, and Hellcat Knottie Knoxville scored several four-point jams, but, for the most part, Curly and Trixie stole the show. Curly's blond curls darted about the track as she fought her way through the Cowgirls' blockers, whose arms were no doubt still sore from holding themselves against the bedpost all Thursday night. Of course, she did land on her ass – which hung out of her pink leopard outfit – several times at the swoops of Trixie, a feisty, skinny, tough Rollergirl, who demonstrated the most energetic plays among her skating friends and foes.

The Rhinestone Cowgirls' Mummy Dearest seemed to be having the toughest time. She was skating slow as molasses in January and quickly racked up three minor penalties, mostly for skating on the inside of the boundary line, and was put in the penalty box. The Cowgirls accrued several penalties for holding but still didn't seem to be blocking the Hellcats very well.

But, of course, for many of these Rollergirls, it's their first time to skate in a league, so we'll cut them some slack for being inexperienced.

The next TXRD bout, Sunday, March 2, thankfully does not follow any sort of action-packed holiday, so the Rollergirls – those of the Cherry Bombs and Putas del Fuego – should be pumped up and ready to pack some fast action into their jams.

All subsequent bouts will be held at the Austin Convention Center (500 E. Cesar Chavez), unless otherwise specified. Doors open at 6pm, bouts start at 7pm, and tickets are $15 for regular admission or $25 for VIP.

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More by Sofia Resnick
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rhinestone cowgirls, hellcats, Lonestar Rollergirls

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