World Series: Red Sox in Five

The National League bores the crap out of me. I really wanted to see the Cubs go to the World Series but with Ted Lilly coming up to bat with the bases loaded I knew it was going to take a lot more luck. Something the Cubs aren’t really known for. I hear the arguments coming from the NL fans all the time how the AL has no panache because it’s all offense and there’s no trick to managing an AL team. My friend Doug calls it “pure baseball.” Just stop. Watching pitchers bat is more painful than watching Paul Byrd backpedal on his pious stance toward performance-enhancing drugs. More painful than realizing Gabe Kaplan playing poker interspersed by ads for Time Life’s Christian Rock series is slightly more entertaining than the Monday Night Football game between the Colts and Jags.

The Boston Red Sox are not going to sweep the World Series because they are going to lose Mike Lowell or Kevin Youkilis to allow Daisuke Matsuzaka to bat for the sake of purity. Yeah, I’m aware they can pinch-hit for him when he runs out of gas in the third inning, very funny. I guess if you like your games extra long, with tons of pitching changes and bench players hitting .158 with runners in scoring position … then this is your game. I also don’t trust the weather in Denver. If they have to plow the base paths it could really go either way for a couple of those games.

The Colorado Rockies got by the Phillies and the Diamondbacks. The toughest pitcher they’ve faced has been Brandon Webb. You’ll need to excuse me if I can’t get excited about them. I am not taking anything away from their Patriot-like run through the playoffs (like that? I’ll get to New England after the Series), but how are they going to react when they find themselves down 3-1? I know how the Red Sox react to being down 3-1. You can ask Cleveland too.

Cleveland had an amazing baseball team this year. They hit 1-9, they had pocket aces and they’re manager looks like your friend's dad who has no problem flying off the handle in front of guests prompting memorable quotes like “Knock it off!” and “What are you? Soft?” Here’s where they went wrong: They hired Josh Beckett’s ex-girlfriend to sing the national anthem and "God Bless America" before game five. How does that not blow up in your face? That is bad, bad karma. I think they just made him madder and he made them pay.

The Sox have the experience, the pitching, and the power. The Rockies are charmed and charming with a rectally implanted horseshoe. Look for the Red Sox to take the first three, lose the fourth when Jon Lester goes to bat with the bases loaded in a blizzard and close out the series with a Josh Beckett gem in game five.

Remember … you heard it here first … back in April.

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KEYWORDS FOR THIS POST

josh beckett, jon lester, mike lowell

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