The Scope of Evil
By Timothy Braun,
6:47PM, Mon. Sep. 10, 2007
Despite my deep loathing for the forces of Evil, I consider Tom Brady the best quarterback in the NFL (forgive me, Peyton) and the man showed up and proved it on Sunday. I have never seen a quarterback who has better technique and pocket presence, and I’ve met Joe Montana, and Brady's deep completion to Randy Moss against the Jets was simply poetry in motion. And Brady has had relations of the intimate nature with both Gisele Bündchen and Bridget Moynahan. How cool is that? It’s just a cryin’ shame Brady plays for Evil.
I have received some, shall we call it, commentary (at least that is what my lawyer is calling it) over my description of the New England Patriots. I think it is appropriate to take time out from our busy football watching, and look at what drives a man or thing to Evil. Evil is something detrimental to the good of society. To illustrate, I have put together a simple Evil scale for you to consult and examine what Evil is and how it works …
The Evil Scale
Snakes: I know, just know that one day these reptiles will unite and attempt to kill us all.
Nazis: Do I really need to explain this one?
The inventor of karaoke. I’m one drunk Japanese businessman on a stage from getting institutionalized.
The jerk that canceled Moonlighting. The greatest show ever was abruptly canned in the midst of a fanciful storyline. For God sakes, this show made Bruce Willis, and what has Bruce Willis made for us? Four Die Hard movies and Pulp Fiction. He was even the voice of the radical raccoon in Over the Hedge, and we have these things thanks to people watching Moonlighting and the suits in Hollywood saying, “We gotta do more with that guy playing David.” Have you seen the last episode of Moonlighting? The case was never solved.
The New England Patriots (narrowly beating out decaffeinated coffee). Sure, the usage of the Erhardt/Perkins offense and Fairbanks/Bullough 3-4 defensive system is genius, but in this case it is Evil genius we are talking about. Doesn’t head coach Bill Belichick just look like the next villain to fight Jason Bourne?
I am impressed with the Evil performance against the Jets, but this Sunday will feature a contest with a San Diego team still burned over a 24-21 New England win in last year's postseason. If the Patriots smack the Chargers, I might have to re-evaluate my Super Bowl prediction, in which case it would become an Evil prediction.
Five Easy Pieces (a quintet of other matters on my mind)
Note: Those who read my blog, federal prison 30664, know that I end every essay with Five Easy Pieces. For the football season I will be capping each sports blog for The Austin Chronicle with a quintet of football thoughts from the weekend that was.
I think the Packers vs. Eagles game was a sign of things to come for both squads. Green Bay looks good, and the Eagles look sloppy.
I really like the Vikings defense.
I like the Colts defense even more.
I said it in my season prediction and I will say it again; Pittsburgh will go deep into the playoffs.
I hate Chicago’s offensive line. Rex Grossman is going to be in the hospital by October. With this said, I love what San Diego rookie safety Eric Weddle did on opening Sunday. This kid can play.