Art of War 2 Invades Convention Center

True face-punching connoisseurs got a taste of the old mixed martial-arts combat in January when Chuck Norris brought his inaugural World Combat League championship into town. But while the schedule for the next WCL season, with the newly relocated (Austin) Texas Dragons, is still TBA, fight fans can get their kicks (ha) at the Art of War 2. And what this fight will be lacking in Lone Wolf McQuade points, it more than makes up for in the steel-effing-cage department.

In addition to the prospect of maybe seeing a dude (God forbid, of course) getting his head totally smashed open on some metal bars, the Art of War’s bringing some recognizable names for Ultimate Fighting Championship fans. Headlining fighter Wes “the Project” Sims is a three-time UFC heavyweight contender and pretty hard to miss, considering he’s 6 feet 10 inches. Opponent Chris “the Gallatin” Guillen, incidentally, is 6-foot flat, 10 inches shorter. According to promotional materials, Guillen’s not worried about Sims’ massive reach advantage. Guillen says he plans to keep the fight on the floor using some no doubt sweet take-down moves. “On the ground,” Guillen says, “we’re all the same height.” Hey speak for yourself, buddy (rim shot).

Sims puts his freakish spider-monkey arms to use with some modified choke holds that he’s dubbed “Sims fu,” which I can only assume means the moves get really depressed if you don’t make them use the toilet regularly. But judge for yourself Friday when Sims fu will be on full display in the cage and, if the Project himself is reading this article, probably demonstrated on me in the parking lot after the fight.

Like those public-service announcements say, every joke you make about a mixed martial-arts fighter brings you and everyone you love closer to death by Tiger Uppercut.

Other familiar entries on the fight card include UFC vet and Dallasite Alex Andrade, who will take on Brandon McDowell in a special-attraction bout, and local MMA stars Matt Thompson, Ryan Larson, Kamal Shalorus, and International Fight League contender Freddie Espiricueta, who’s scheduled to fight former UFC world challenger David “the Crow” Loiseau.

Art of War 2 takes place Friday, May 11, 7:30pm at the Austin Convention Center (500 E. Cesar Chavez). Tickets, ranging from $25 to $250 (for cage-side seats), are available at Waterloo Records, University Co-op, RunTex, and online at Go to for more info.

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