Vince Young - in Loving Tribute

Vince Young catches the Madden curse

Vince, God rest his soul, has signed on to be this year’s Madden cover boy, and we all know what happens now. The ancient origins of the Madden curse have become obscured, but rumor has it the bad luck is tied to John Madden’s original bargain with Satan. In exchange for the inexplicable ability to transfer his love of Turducken into a multimillion-dollar commentating career, legend has it Madden agreed to deliver one promising, young athlete to the pit of despair every year. And Young, the poor bastard, is next. The evidence, presented in way-easier-to-write outline form, is undeniable. Curse wise, Vince would be better off wiping his ass with Tutankhamen’s wrappings.

Madden 07 - Kickass Seattle HB Shaun Alexander, who led his team to the previous Super Bowl, poses and then breaks his foot in the first game of the season.

Madden 06 - Sweetass soup spokesman Donavan McNabb, also fresh from the Super Bowl, makes the cover. He suffers a hernia first game. Also, teammate Terrell Owens, formerly known as the “Nicest Dude in Football” starts acting all PMS-y.

Madden 05 - Former Super Bowl MVP Ray Lewis’ terrifying glare is on game cases nationwide. He breaks his wrist the following season and is charged as an accomplice to murder (several years earlier).

Madden 2000 - The phenomenal Barry Sanders grabs the cover but retires before training camp begins, leaving the NFL at the top of his game, and ensuring his place as one of the greatest running backs in the history of the sport. He moves to the suburbs of Detroit with his millions of dollars and beautiful wife but it takes him a few weeks to get adjusted to his new life.

Madden 99 - John Madden foolishly poses for his own cover. He is then totally razzed in an Austin Chronicle Sports blog and inadvertently launches the career of stand-up comedian Frank Caliendo.

Madden 83 - Hot off his phenomenally acceptable 13-year stint as a tackle for the Detroit Lions (1958-1971), Alex Karras graced the Madden box with his large mustachioed ass. He was then traded to the sitcom Webster for six seasons where his adopted, black, little-person son got lost in a secret passageway in their old house and discovered a hidden room with a life-sized doll where a girl died, giving me nightmares for, like, seven years.

Madden 74 - Riding the wave of sweet, sweet victory in Vietnam, President Richard Nixon grabs the cover but ends up resigning from office in disgrace after many critics point out that his entry in the Madden curse blog is “the exact point where the joke starts to get old.”

Madden AD 33 - Probably the greatest QB ever, Jesus Christ, the “Artillery From Galilee,” turned water to wine, raised the dead, and practically invented the Hail Mary, but even he wasn’t immune to the Madden curse. His bitter fate after striking a pose for the cover is pretty well-documented - he took a vicious out-of-bounds hit in the second game of the season and sat on the bench with internal injuries while his backup, Tom Brady, led the team to a Super Bowl win.

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KEYWORDS FOR THIS POST

Vince Young, Madden Curse

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