My Voice Mail Message From Bob Stoops

Hey Joe! Pick up, man. It's Bob, the coach, calling for you, bubba. I got some news for your little sports blog, my man. You know I truly feel the Longhorns' pain. That offensive pass interference call was totally bogus! I'm having flashbacks to my own little tryst with Oregon, my little sports buddy. So, hey, if the refs robbed us then, they robbed the Horns against the Aggies. Fair is fair. Don't get me wrong; Texas played like a bunch of wussies, but what else is new? No, seriously, one of your Austin-based sports scribblers actually wrote that those six points don't matter because the bad call came in the second quarter. What? Points are points, my man. They would've sealed an admittedly lame win for Texas over their arch rivals. Doesn't matter what quarter it happened in. What are they teaching these guys in journalism school? Sure isn't math. The refs blew the game. Final score: Texas 14, Aggies 12. Onward and upward.

Here's what I'm doing. I'm a man of honor, so I'm not letting my boys play against Nebraska in the Big 12 Championship game. Nada. We're sitting this one out in solidarity against the zebras. Hey, I'm no big Mack Brown fan. He's a bit of a stuffed shirt for my taste, and he's just learning the thrill of rolling the dice. But come on! What those Aggies did to his quarterback! I'm getting the Aggie jokes now. They don't bother to take out the already-dinged QB until the final seconds? Now, if Franchione were a real man, he'd make Kellen Heard sit out of their upcoming bowl loss after hitting Colt McCoy while he was taking his chin strap off. Heck, the Horns shouldn't be satisfied until Fran personally apologizes for his players' actions. Sure, he'll be doing it with a smile. Those glorious bastards saved his damn job for one more year! I've got no problem with that, Joe. Less competition in the South. Gotta love it. I know something about losing starting QBs, but at least the only injury mine got was a serious case of the stupids. Boosters are sloppy with the cash. What about that Stephen McGee? As a quarterback, he makes a fine running back. But I can't get past those weirdly coiffed eyebrows. Looks more like a USC dandy.

Oh, Joe, about those predictions you made about the game? I think you got two right: The Aggies did score first, and the bottom did drop out on burnt orange national championship gear! The sad truth is as a prognosticator, you've got a sure career in TV weather. Looks like rain, brother, with bouts of sleet and hail. The Horns are lucky not to be playing next week. Heck, my backup quarterback actually got some playing time before we threw him back on the field. I feel for Jevan Snead, but truthfully that's a coaching decision. Talk some sense into Mack, OK? I would like it to be a fair fight next year. I'm a man of honor.

Oh, about not playing in the Big 12 Championship game on Saturday? I lied. Sue me, bubba. BCS bowl game here we come! I'll send a postcard.