FF2011: Elijah Wood Challenges Dominic Monaghan!

"I've received a call to fight. A call to fight my brother. Powers unbeknownst-st-st. Brothers for so long … no longer," sneers Elijah Wood in a late-breaking video posted on YouTube overnight.

What, exactly, he's planning on doing here is unclear, but one thing is for certain: Wood has been training "endlessly, tirelessly, for days." You can tell he's fit as a whippet by the howl he offers as proof. It's all about volume. And huge fists. Like Orcs. Or Popeye.

"Are you training like me Dominic?" teases Wood, before lapsing into what sounds like a fevered line reading of The Muppets classic ode to existential, testosterone-fueled chaos, 'Ma Nah Ma Nah.'

"I fear nothing," Wood enthuses, wielding a pool cue and pumping lite-iron. "We are in a fellowship."

Has the Ring-bearer gone mad so early in the Festival? Too soon to say, but his taunting of legendary bare-knuckled brawler Monaghan is a risky move.

Doom, we fear. For one or the other. (The local bookies are not in Wood's corner.) It all begins – and ends – within 30 desperate hours. Who will survive and what will be left of them?

[Fantastic Debates presented by Knuckle and ARC Entertainment, Sat, Sep 24, 11:55pm, at the South Austin Gym adjacent to the Alamo S. Lamar.]